Tuesday, December 4, 2007

True and Ridiculous Stories from the Life of A Single Girl- Part 1

Here are some tips that guys should never do when dating or hoping to date the girl they fancy. These stories are the true accounts of dates I've been on.

Tip #1. Do not ever attempt to stand on your head for a girl unless you are a professional gymnast.

Yes, I have actually had a guy literally stand on his head for me. I was in college. We were hanging out in my doom room (with the door open) and the guy said the four word phrase that makes me cringe on a date. "Watch me impress you." Well if that don't stink up to high Heaven in my book then I don't know what does. I said to him, "Please don't do that. Please don't try to impress me." I pleaded. But, Stand-On-His-Head-Boy insisted on doing so in my little room. Mind you, I had two drying racks set up in the corner with clothes hanging on them. Needless to say, he throws his hands up in the air and whips himself upside-down on his head. Too bad he had lousy balance. He managed for two seconds before losing control and fell over, knocking all the laundry over and landed in a heap covered in my roommate's and my unmentionables. Well well, that was a fabulous show let me tell you. He was mortified, rightly so. I on the other hand was openly laughing at him. He left shortly after that. The Bible says that pride comes before a fall...and let me tell you, it sure did that day.

Tip #2. Do not drive like a maniac or put the girls life in danger on a first date. (Or any date thereafter.)

I will often say a little prayer before I go on a date. But this was the only pre-date prayer that I found myself praying for my own protection in the guy's car.

Maniac-Driver-Boy came to pick me up in some old electric blue 1980's Beretta. He loved his car. I could have cared less. No sooner had he pick me up, did he pull out that awesome line: "Watch me impress you." "Oh no. Here we go again." I thought. "No please, don't try to impress me." I said to him boldly this time. But he went on about how great his car handles and how I would love it. I sighed, feeling like a prisoner in his car. What a fun way to start a date. As we were driving, he pulls into a church and then peels out for a hard left turn. The problem was, as soon as we peeled out his breaks locked and he lost control of the car. We spun out of control 180 degrees. I braced myself against the door, surprisingly at peace and he dropped the loudest (excuse me) F-bomb that I would ever care to hear. Nice. Especially considering we just got back from a Christian camp together and he was a lead counselor. Scripture says that out of the heart the mouth speaks. Well, I read that boy loud and clear that day and all I can say is that we definitely didn't speak the same language of love. Good grief!

4 comments:

~**Dawn**~ said...

I will never ever understand why any guy thinks I will care how his (or any other) car handles. I want it to be clean. I want it to get us from Point A to Poinb & back again, safely. And I really don't think I can overemphasize the workd "safely" enough. Oh & driving like a lunatic is not going to make me cling to your arm, hoping you will protect me. It's going to make me want to jump out the next time we stop.

Please please tell me you will have an installment on pick-up lines, or poor choices of things to say to girls. Because believe me do I have some stories I could share on *those* topics. =P

Colleen said...

Dawn- LOL! Especially about the clinging on to the persons arm! If you have great pick up line stories, you should post them =)

Dan Mega said...

Scouts honor- I will never attempt to stand on my head or drive like a maniac on a date.

bonnie said...

Oh,
this one is sooo good. More, more, more!!!!!!!