Friday, August 24, 2007

Do Me a Favor

I can see you, you know. I see you looking at your computer screen sitting there in your chair or on the couch or whatever. So do me a favor, take a slow deep breath for me....
Ahh, feels good, no? Should feel easy right?

I had an interesting morning on Friday. I was at the children's hospital in town today. Man, can I just tell you how quickly right perspective comes back to us when the focus of life is NOT on us? I cannot disclose too much information but the child I had today had a trake down her throat and she could not move an inch. Usually going there is pretty easy. The kids are mobile and can talk. This sweetheart couldn't do anything and she couldn't even breathe on her own. The other volunteer and I played a kind of board game with her and she told me where to put her pieces. I wish I could discuss the situation further, but I'm not sure if that's ok, so I won't.

When I left it turned into a beautiful day. It was hot and sunny and I had lunch outside. I ate my lunch alone and kept thinking about her. I thought about how I can do everything for myself. How I can go and do whatever I want. How I can clearly express to people my thoughts in order to simply communicate.

Sometimes, I want to go on a mission trip because I have this desire to go and save the world in order to know that my life has meaning. But I don't necessarily have to do that. I feel like that thought itself is selfish because it's me wanting to Get while I'm giving. Which defeats the purpose of giving for givings sake. Ugh!

You know when I think giving is Really giving? When it's a sacrifice. When it's inconvenient. Or when it's someone who needs your help and you don't particularly like them.
Shoot. Jesus did it for us. And then you know what he said... he said "Follow Me." Hmm...I wasn't intending for my thoughts to go here. Now I'm writing out loud to myself. (Are you enjoying my conversation?) I feel like I've grown dull in my spirit. When my focus is on myself, I'm not clear headed to the world around me and the people in it. People who are hurting, people who need to be loved, people who are lonely....
As I was with that girl I thought to myself, "This is good for me. I need to see this. I need to be here." I need to be reminded of what's going on outside of my pretty young bubble world.
The thing is, I don't want it to stop there. I don't want this to just be an observation, or a blog post. I just don't know what's next.

1 comment:

Adventurer w/o Borders said...

Hey, Colleen,

I love reading your blog because it often takes me to that place in which I'm a child sitting playing a Jesus' feet.


p.s., Speaking of missions trips, I have a blog entry about my first mission trip that you might find interesting. It's my June 26, 2006 entry.