Wednesday, August 13, 2008

What's in a name?

When I was in eighth grade, I had a teacher named Mrs. Wheezer. For real. She didn't actually wheeze but she really fit her name and that always kind of scared me. She wore really odd clothes and spoke in a strange way with her fingers and she had very large glasses and wore sandals with yellow toe nails.

Then I had a regular substitute teacher all through elementary and middle school. Her name was Mrs. Stanky. No joke. Poor woman. She also fit her name. She was short, wore a wig and wore short polyester pants. For the love! She was clueless and the bratty kids I went to school with always called her Mrs. Stinky. Stinky, Stanky, seriously, is one really worse then the other?

Here's my point and yes I have one. They were both Mrs. They weren't born with those last names, no. They grew into those names. (And a shudder goes through all the single girls who read this.) What if I do get married? What if he does have the worst last name in the world? What if I grow into his last name like the way those women did? I'm sure as young girls they didn't think, "Hey when I grow up I'm going to wear a really bad wig and polyester pants that don't fit and I'll never bother with breath mints."

All I'm saying is that, if it comes down to it, I'll settle for keeping my maiden name if his is really that bad. Given the choice of what's worse to be made fun of Colleen Maloney (Bologna), Colleen Stanky, Colleen Wheezer. Yup, I'll settle for Oscar Meyer's famous piece of processed meat, thanks.

16 comments:

Carol said...

Ha, I dated a boy whose last name was Crapanzano! My brother used to poke his head out the window and shout out,"hey Crappy face". Your dad never lets me forget that I could have been Mrs. Crapanzano!!

Colleen said...

That's pretty bad. Oh, I could have been Mrs. Leach, I suppose er, yuck. :)

Amber Monette said...

SCARY LAST NAME!!!! At least it's not like Poopsalot or crappinpantso.

Colleen said...

Amber- Crappinpantso! HA! That's awesome! What if my last name became something like McClean, (stupid). Or McQueen, (cool).

Heather said...

that is why i am glad i traded my maiden name of odlum in for a good married name of carrier! i wish it was connected to carrier airconditioning and heating so i would be a rich woman but hey least i got a good last name!

Holly said...

My college roommate married into the last name Cucci (pronounced Coochey as in Coochey Coochey Coo!)

Then another friend is in a serious relationship w/ a guy with the last name Caracci- as in CROTCHEY!

Worst of all- in college I briefly dated a guy w/ the last name Wooley... you do the math- my brothers and friends tease me to this day by shouting out in a deep loud voice, "HOLLY WOOLEY!!!" lol sometimes being single aint so bad! :P

Colleen said...

Heather- Good call on the dude with a good last name! And hey thanks for visiting!

Colleen said...

Holly- that is too darn funny! Cucci and Crotchey! I find Crotchey hard to believe. But I went to school with a girl who's name was Sarah Seamen, so there you go. And I also knew a woman who's first name was Julie and her married last name was Dooley. Oh and Holly Wooley? Well, I'm just glad that didn't work out :) HA!

david mcmahon said...

Wonderful, O talented Colleen. Now you've set me thinking about surnames!!

Dan Mega said...

My last name is pretty keen, I must say.

Colleen said...

Dan-Are we talking about your real one? Or your fake one? :)

Colleen said...

Thanks David!...Seems I've got everyone here thinking about it too.

lime said...

LOL, and then there are those girls who look for a husband, any husband...just so they can shed and embarassing maiden name.

Sandi McBride said...

Alright, David sent me, I'm glad this one is half way cheerful...it's at least funny...so I guess I can pick my head up off the keyboard,and smile again! Good job!
Sandi

CrazyCath said...

David sent me here again too. I really shouldn't wait till he sends me. You're too funny!
You have me thinking about surnames too....

Susan Kelly Skitt said...

LOL! I had a college prof named Lipshitz. I always felt like I was cursing when I said his name :)

Hope you're having a nice summer. We've been busy with travel and home projects.

It's always nice to visit here. You make me smile with your creative stories!