Thursday, May 1, 2008

To Kill a Woodpecker

I have been working on this post for two weeks. But then I HAD to send this email off today, which may have wrecked the post. (Since I'm posting my letter to him for you all to see.) But I just thought I'd share with all of you my ongoing saga and the real email that I sent to our Condo Association this morning.

Hello Ron,

As my roommate Anna mentioned, I am in fact the roommate who is on the edge of insanity. This has been going on since February and it has only gotten worse. The head of my bed is directly behind one of the nests. I cannot even begin to describe what it's like having a 5 inch tall jackhammer wake you at 7 am every morning, right in your ear. I no longer need an alarm clock.

Right now they are quiet. This is a rarity in the morning. However, I feel as though I hear so much fluffing, breathing, cooing, and stirring noises that any Woodpecker enthusiast would do anything to get the inside scoop on my Woodpecker co-habitation. Did I mention she's right next to my ear??

Th other hole, which is now bigger than my fist is higher up. It is against the wall of our shower. The other bird pecks there. This one has also begun pecking on the inside of the wall. (Yes, we are privileged enough to have not one but two birds nesting in our walls.) I am expecting to see it's beak come through any day now. I will be tempted to tweak it off if it does. The only time that one is quiet, apart from this morning is when the shower is on and as soon as we are done, our Little Woody is at it again.

But my favorite thing is when they drill on the metal chimney.

Since I work part time from home, I must tell you that this has been driving me up the wall. I am a huge animal enthusiast but I can't stand this animal.

I know the Bible says we are to love our neighbor, but this is ridiculous.

Sincerely Frustrated and Frazzled,

Colleen Maloney

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13 comments:

Dan Mega said...

That last line had me in stitches, ha! I'm trying not to laugh at your expense Colleen, I really am. Its one of those annoying yet funny situations for an outsider looking in =D

~**Dawn**~ said...

Even frustrated & frazzled, clinging to your last shred of sanity, you crack me the heck up.

Colleen said...

Dan- I have been endlessly complaing to my mother about this situation and all she does is laugh at me too! I can't help it if I'm funny even when I'm mad! And let me tell you I'm really mad.

Colleen said...

Dawn- What do they say? When life gives you lemons...make lemonade? How's about you make it Lemon Drop for me this time will ya? Sheesh!

AnnaMarlene said...

I think you all should know that Ron loved his e-mail so much that he forwarded it on to others...Colleen you are so gifted that even when complaining your outstanding writing leaves an impression...and now that you are feeling bad about those birds just remember your dream and all that blasted pecking.

And know I don't feel one ounce of remorse ;)

david mcmahon said...

I am a bird whisperer .... I have ways to make a woodpecker toc, I mean talk.

Love the title of this post - I might have suggested ``To Kill A Marking Bird''!!

Also, I thoroughly enjoyed your London poem!!!

Please tell your Mum I sympathise with you but I also have a broad grin on my face ....

A.Bananna said...

I am here from davids blog.

great letter! I was laughing at the last line also! hope it all works out!

Sandi McBride said...

UhHUh, and Mockingbirds outside your door can do much damage to the head and the do...lol...opps, sorry...could you move your bed? I'm threatening to move my porch...
Sandi
ps
David sent me...

Jennifer H said...

I'm sorry, but you are funny! Love the title. I'm amazed the they are in your walls.

We have a woodpecker that pecks the side of our house. But your situation sounds seriously crazy-making.

Good luck. (Your story reminds me of that movie Failure to Launch, when Sarah Jessica Parker's roommate buys the BB gun to get rid of the mockingbird.)

Thanks for stopping by my place, and for your comment!

Colleen said...

Anna- It means so much to me, that as my closest confidant and roommate, you like what I write =) Word's like Outstanding, from you, really hit home, for me.

Colleen said...

David- I knew you'd get a kick out of this sort of post. That London poem was one of my earliest little ditties as an aspiring writer becuase I was only about 16 =)How Silly!

Colleen said...

A.banana- Yes, it has all finally worked out....until next year!

Colleen said...

Jennifer- no joke about the BB gun. I did give that consideration....=)