Friday, December 21, 2007


I love being home with my family. We are all here together and amidst the heartache of losing two family members at the holidays, it's good to be together. I got in at noon after leaving for the airport at midnight yesterday.

I feel like so much has transpired. At the wake this afternoon, my ten year old cousin wanted to know why we could only see half of my grandfathers body in the casket. And why couldn't we see his feet? Was he wearing flip flops? And is he having lunch with Joe DiMaggio? Or Abraham Lincoln, and George Washington? Seriously? I thought I was going to lose it. Can you laugh at a wake? Because I was.

It was so strange to be talking with family members about what's going on in life and sounding like a record on repeat for everyone when all the while there is a dead person in the room.

For the longest time I couldn't go over to my grandfather. I outright avoided it. It took me all night to get the nerve to go over to see him. But it's not him, it's just an empty shell of a person.

Finally when the night was winding down I tentatively made my way over to the casket and looked down at him. Eyes welling with tears I thought to myself that he looked good. He looked liked my grandfather, only sleeping or something.

It was an extremely long day...


Susan Kelly Skitt said...

Aw Collen, I feel for you friend. Your little cousin sounds cute. Kids are something else, aren't they?

What is it about that fear of seeing our loved ones like this? I remember when my one set of grandparents died, about ten years apart from each other. I also remember the day my first husband died. Yes, I agree they do look like they are sleeping and yes, it is just their shell.

When a person knows Christ as Savior, it is like passing from one room to the next, only the next room is much, much better. I love the promise Jesus makes in John chapter fourteen. "Let not your heart be troubled; ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions, if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself, that where I am, there ye may be also."

I had engraved on my first husband's grave plaque, "Resting in Jesus." Even though his soul and spirit immediately went to be with Christ, his body is waiting for that wonderful day of ressurection. Hard to comprehend, isn't it, but I'll have to say, the last fifteen years of my life, I've been thinking about it a lot more...

Colleen said...

Susan- you know, not to be overly morbid, but I often think about death and what awaits me on the other side. I have so many thoughts about it. Like the marriage supper of the Lamb and how the bible says that His bride has made herself ready. (Revelation 19:7) I want to learn to live like that everyday. I want to live ready to die. I'm not sure that I do just yet, consistantly. But I suppose that the more I desire to know Him, the more I will.