Inside my head

Not Here

2008-10-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

Hello there. If you are looking for me, I've moved! Come and check out my new place HERE.

I just got served

2008-09-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

All I have to say today is that if you're over 30 you probably won't know what the heck this post is about. However, since I err on the older side of all my friends, and they are still in their 20's, I know the inside scoop. Also, I blog and so I see all you kiddos "tweets". So I know the dealio.

For the record: I think that if you're over 30 and you're still "tweeting" you better have the most exciting life *ever* or you really need to get one.

(D.R.- you can be the exception, because your tweets are pretty funny.)

Now go check this out:
notes from the spencenator: you're no one

Summer's End On Camano Island

2008-09-22T10:17:00.001-07:00

We were a merry band of five. Including a tiny Maltese/Something-I-don't-know-what- Mutt, who's name was Spike.

As we walked down the steep steps of the lake house to the water Gerard mentioned that all the stairs he built were actually ladders that he secured into the ground. It must have been many ladders then because it was a very long ways down. Long enough to make you catch your breath.

It was twilight and the heavy rain had finally stopped. The air was so rich and thick with the scent of earth it almost seemed surreal. It was a strong, clean, sweet smell and I couldn't drink in enough breaths.

The last step down to the sandy beach arrived and I jumped down to the shore in my pink rubber boots. When I looked up, I couldn't move for a moment. To the guys I knew it seemed expected. They were probably used to this view I'm sure, but to an urban girl who grew up in the heart of NJ I thought that I somehow fell into heaven.

The water didn't even lap at the shore, it was that still. As if someone had put a plate glass on top of the sea and it looked as though you could walk out onto it.

Although it was small, it was for sure their own private beach and as I looked to the left the sun was setting in sherbet colored swirls of pink, peach, yellow, orange and just a touch of purple. It wasn't florescent. They weren't loud colors. The sky was not screaming for attention, but it's understated beauty is what drew my gaze and I imagined that if love could show itself in colors, then that sky was revealing all to me.

I engaged in conversation but kept reverting my eyes back to the swirling colors that held me captivated as though a handsome man where trying to get my attention. Yes. It was truly that brilliant.

Then we noticed that off to the right in the opposite direction of the sunset was a rainbow. Not just any rainbow, but one that curved straight into the water so it's reflection bounced off of the still, glass like surface and doubled it's size.

At the same time as I tried to take it all in, a sea lion popped its head to the surface a ways out from the shore. My friend Evan had been skimming rocks that went so far out it must have caused the creature to think it was a fish so he stuck around awhile to catch the show. I watched his head bob in the water and then his back would pop out too until he'd go back under only to emerge another time in the hopes of catching a bite.

After many a rock skipping show with "No less then 10 skips", the guys hauled out a row boat complete with ores and life jackets for all. "Really?" I said. "We're going to go out on the boat? In the open water? I, I hope I don't get sea-sick." I stammered. They laughed at the city girl. "No Colleen. I don't think you have a chance at getting sea-sick on water that is as still as this." I hadn't thought of that. So I hopped in the boat along with the guys and the little dog and we shoved off into the water.

It was a delightful experience. In fact, it may have been my very first time in a row boat ever. I'd been in a canoe many times with my father on the lake in Vermont, but never a row boat, in open water. I wanted to get up and do a little "I-love-row- boats-dance", but that would have been a bad idea. So I didn't do that.

We talked and laughed and I think they liked the new girl. (Even if she was an urban girl, she was a country girl at heart.) We watched the Blue Herring fly over our heads and eventually rowed back to shore where my friends had finally showed up.

We spent the evening lounging, which is only respectable at a lake front house, eating and finished it off with my favorite, a blazing fire pit around which we all told stories and made S'mores. But I had to tell mine standing on top of a large tree stump next to the fire, while I made dramatic expressions with my face and hands and laughed louder than anyone else.

Miss Piggy

2008-09-18T18:58:00.000-07:00

I don't normally talk about food a lot on my blog. However today for your reading enjoyment and because I don't know what else to write about, I will discuss my dietary meals for the day. Why? Because I might as well have eaten out of the trash can that's why.

Let's see shall we?

First Breakfast: Cereal and coffee. Eh, not too bad.
Second Breakfast: Brownies. A big one with milk.
Snack or Lunch Pathetic-O- A huge piece of Rhubarb pie and another coffee.
Pre-dinner snack- another brownie, only a small one.

This is very bad. Why did I eat like this? Because I baked brownies today and aside from the cereal, that's about all I had to eat in the house. Tomorrow I will try and do better. Now if you will excuse me, I need another brownie....just kidding.

Ohhhh. It's September.

2008-09-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

September.

It's my favorite month. I'm obsessively listening to September Grass by James Taylor and his whole album October Road is wonderful and then I listen to this song a lot too because it's one of my all time favorites.

Plus, we are having a fabulous Indian Summer right now which makes up for the fact that winter lasted until June.

September also means that I pull out my delicious recipe for Pumpkin bread with chocolate chips which my mother, sister and I all make. It is do die for.

There is a great deal of change about to go on in my life and I'm still standing on the precipice of it. I can't wait to see what happens...

The Cave Woman

2008-09-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

Me paint hair.
Me paint face.
Me paint nails.
Me shave legs.
Me no clown.
Me no cave-girl no more.
Me no look old now.
Me look good.
Me put down club.
Me meet man with beard.
Me pretend lady.
Man fall for it.
Me win.
Ugh.

Going Postal

2008-09-11T18:09:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's right. Yesterday I almost went postal at the post office, UPS to be exact. Now, I know the age of chivalry is pretty much dead thanks to stupid women's liberators who act like two year olds in their "leave me alone I can do it myself attitude" and they had to wreck it for the rest of us ladies and don't get me started on all the dates I've had to pay for myself on because of it...

Anyway back to yesterday. I had a very large, very heavy cardboard box that I had to ship for my boss. As I pulled up there was a man who was sitting right next to the store. I got out of my car and managed to squeeze the box out as well but in a very awkward way. This guy watched me as if I was entertainment without even thinking to help. I wobbled like a pregnant woman over to the door and tried to pry it open, but it was extremely heavy and after two tries I stuck my head in the door looking for help. There were two men inside who were having a conversation and obviously ignoring me. I wanted to ask for help but I felt stupid because they were trying not to pay attention. So opened the door and heaved the box up onto my hip and wobbled in.

I dropped the box down with a thud and went back for the second load. This time I was so busy trying to get the door open that I didn't look at my feet and I swung the heavy door open right on top of my foot. (In my flip flop.)

I though I was going to lose it. I'm not one for swearing (even in my head) but it hurt so badly I thought I would scream and cry something I would regret. However, I was also so mad at all three of these bozo’s for witnessing a tiny damsel in distress and leaving her to figure it out that I bit my tongue and kept my trap shut.

I took care of business but I felt like a female version of a Very Cross Wookie with angry eyebrows in as much a fury as Chewbacca with a cross bow.

MEME

2008-09-10T12:49:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your Friends MEME! Press FORWARD - then change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your friends including the person who sent it to you.
The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you might not have known!

1. What time did you get up this morning?

5 am for a hungry stomach. 7am to shut off the alarm. 9am to check email. 10am to get my but in gear.

2. Diamonds or pearls? pearls (hmmm, I bet a woman made this up.)

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

I can't remember but the chances are it stunk.

4. What is your favorite TV show?

nothing much anymore.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?

peanut butter on toast for ages, then cereal, now coffee. I have to make myself eat lately.

6. What is your middle name?

"Anne with an E"

7. What food do you dislike?

RIBS!!! Ahhh, sick!

8. What is your favorite CD at moment?

Healing waters: Klaus Kluhn, Kari Jobe, and whatever is on my playlist.

9. What kind of car do you drive?

the kind with four wheels that's paid for.

10. Favorite sandwich?

peanut butter, shredded carrots, alfalfa on toast. (and I'm not even pregnant.)

11.What characteristic do you despise?

Pride, when I see it in myself or others.

12. Favorite item of clothing?

jeans and a navy blue sweater jacket from Jcrew that I got on clearance and my flip flops.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?

Italy with a bike!!

14. Favorite brand of clothing?

brand shmand. I like stuff that fits well. I don't care where it comes from.

15. Where would you retire to?

Heaven

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? My 30th?? or my 13th when I stuck my face in my cake and threw it at my friends and we had a massive cake fight. Watch out or I'll do it at yours.

17. Favorite sport to watch?
basketball, baseball or soccer live. Otherwise I don't care to watch it at all.

18. Farthermost place you are sending this?

to the end of the Internet.

19. When is your birthday?

April 1

21. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Both, it drove my roommate crazy, but I don't believe she will have to endure my perky antics, scary faces and random dance moves for much longer!! ;-)

22. What is your shoe size? 8

23. Pets? I wish!

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Like the fact that I'm an undercover spy working for the CIA? Opps.

25. What did you want to be when you were little? A hair dresser.

26. How are you today? Superduperpooperscooper!

27. What is your favorite candy? gummy candy

28. What is your favorite flower? love them all especially if they smell nice.

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Today because it's here!

30. What is your full name?
Colleen Anne Maloney Princess of My World and Keeper of the Chocolate Stash.

31. What are you listening to right now? nuffin'

32. What was the last thing you ate? Almonds

33. Do you wish on stars? nope, but I like to watch them twinkle.

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? The one that's the smallest, that you have to stick your finger way down to get, that has most of the paper peeled off because it was used the most. I suppose that would be the black one :)

35. How is the weather right now?
"We are enjoying very fine weather." -Margret Dashwood

36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? some lady at Macy's, HA!

37. Favorite soft drink? Diet Coke

38. Favorite restaurant? The Pink Door in Seattle

39. Real hair color? Dark brown and some gray

40. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies all the way baby.

41. Summer or winter? Summer

42. Hugs or kisses? Both

43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

44. Coffee or tea? Coffee

45. When was the last time you cried? Does tearing up count?

47. What is under your bed? Monsters, Snakes, Vikings, Trolls and a really long and skinny pair of white arms that are ready to reach up and pull me under!!...At least, that's what I though up until...Oh, a year ago.

48. What did you do last night? BBQ going/away party.

49. What are you afraid of? Being deceived and not knowing it.

50. Salty or sweet? Salty

51. How many keys on your key ring? Too many

52. How many years at your current job? A year and nine months

53. Favorite day of the week? Friday

54. How many towns have you lived in? So many I can't count them all.

55. Do you make friends easily? No because I'm fresh and rude. Of course I make friends easily!

Garbage Can Head

2008-09-08T21:13:00.000-07:00

My thoughts sit like a bowl of soup.
I stare at the bowl.
Soupy brown with drippy okra.
I write my thoughts down.
Thoughts of nothingness.
So I toss them in the garbage can of my head.
It feels like Jambalaya in my soul.
That's all I have to say about that today.

(This makes no sense. I should have drawn a bowl of soup, but that would be boring and a garbage can head is much more enjoyable.)

Pulling the Rug

2008-09-04T15:15:00.000-07:00

The rug has offically been pulled and I don't know where the ground went......
God, does this mean I get to fly now? Because I'm afraid of falling.

Pizza for Dinner...

2008-09-03T13:33:00.000-07:00

My dinner tonight is courtesy of my buddy Dan Mega. He sent me a pizza in the mail and I sent him a bomb. Okay, maybe it wasn't a bomb, but we did a swap of what our city's are famous for. I'm not telling but actually I think I give it away on the video, so whatever. This was so cool and very fun to try. Originally I was joking about him sending me a pizza. I didn't think he would actually do it, but he did.

Pizza from Chicago FTW.

The Arbor

2008-09-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

IN THE DARK, I walked like a secret into the backyard of my old house.
I walked along the hedges and as I looked at the ground I felt as though it was still my backyard.
I stood in the place where the garden of my mother's hands grew.
Now I was standing in only grass.
I hid behind the large oak tree and peeked out at the house.
The air was like a cool summer breath and a symphony of crickets played the soundtrack of my past.
I stood behind that tree and stared.
It is not my home now.
It is not my house.
Those are not my things.
But as I looked to the right, I noticed the white Arbor.
It used to stand along the side of the garden, attached to a white fence
that led the way into the garden.
Now it was awkwardly standing alone there in the back of the house, a part of nothing.
So I sighed and turned and slipped back into the dark and walked home.
To my home.
To my parents.
To my dogs.
To my future.

Fragile

2008-09-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

I heard the sound of glass shattering,
like elegant pearls spilling all over the floor.
And I did not know how to clean them up.
And I did not know how to put them back together, on my own.
And I noticed the sound I heard came from me.
And I realized it was my heart.
And then I realized how fragile I was.

(thoughts from one of those once apon a time moments...)

Sunset

2008-08-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

The sun sets on the water like orange paint spilled all over the ocean.
It seeps into the deep.
I wait with quiet anticipation.
Lips parted, breath held.
And in an instant this ageless miracle is gone.
I will have to wait again until tomorrow.

Why Not

2008-08-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

Why not post. I'm sitting in the Phoenix airport...and I just missed my connecting flight. :( I was up at 2.45 this morning for my flight. Everything went fine until I made my connection. I was happily seated for the second leg of the trip when the flight attendant confirms the final destination...JFK. "JFK?!?!" I shouted at cute guy beside me. "I'm on the wrong flight!" I grab my extremely heavy bag because my laptop weighs the amount of a small boulder and RUN like it's nobody's business out the plane and down the concourse. I go from classy JCREW chick to my days in London as a commuter school girl. And anyone who commutes knows to stay out of the way of a late commuter. I book it down the concourse 10 EXITS long run down the connecting path which is almost just as long and then run down the next concourse all the way to the end. I practically threw myself at the ticket counter and breathlessly told them what happened. "Sorry, the flight's boarded, we can't let you on." Big sigh on my part and I forlornly slop my way all the way back up the concourse to the ticket agent and get rerouted for another flight.

So now I'm sitting in the airport blogging away and waiting for the flush in my face to die down as I chug my second bottle of water. Way to go me.........

(I can't fix punctuation and spelling because my battery is running out, so if this post is sloppy then so be it. Bleh.)

It's late and I'm bored

2008-08-20T23:30:00.000-07:00

Now class I expect you to behave like good little monsters...

Does this rosey flower next to my face match my complexion?

My friends call me Barbie, but late at night when I look in the mirror I call myself Christie Brinkley.

I don't need a helmet when I ride my bicycle, I'm already wearing one!

Honey, I worked on this roast all day for dinner for you! Oh, you ate with the guys and want to watch football? Then how 'bout I whip up a fresh serving of "You Big Fat Jerk."

Mean Girl

2008-08-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

This is Me.
Me as Mad.
Me as mad and I'm so bad.
Me as angry.
Me as mean.
Me as hot sauce full of steam.
Me as cranky with no food.
Me as Stink-Eye-Ugly-Dude.

Make no mistake.
This ain't a joke.
I'm madder than a pig in poke.

What's the matter?
What the doin'?
What's with all great poo pooing?

Well, it's simple.
I forgot.
And that's why I'm just boiling hot.

I want to yell.
I want to shout.
But I don't know what to shout about.

So this is Me.
Me as Mad.
And now I am
so very....sad.

(Author's Note: This the worst drawing in the world and she knows it.)

What's in a name?

2008-08-13T15:50:00.000-07:00

When I was in eighth grade, I had a teacher named Mrs. Wheezer. For real. She didn't actually wheeze but she really fit her name and that always kind of scared me. She wore really odd clothes and spoke in a strange way with her fingers and she had very large glasses and wore sandals with yellow toe nails.

Then I had a regular substitute teacher all through elementary and middle school. Her name was Mrs. Stanky. No joke. Poor woman. She also fit her name. She was short, wore a wig and wore short polyester pants. For the love! She was clueless and the bratty kids I went to school with always called her Mrs. Stinky. Stinky, Stanky, seriously, is one really worse then the other?

Here's my point and yes I have one. They were both Mrs. They weren't born with those last names, no. They grew into those names. (And a shudder goes through all the single girls who read this.) What if I do get married? What if he does have the worst last name in the world? What if I grow into his last name like the way those women did? I'm sure as young girls they didn't think, "Hey when I grow up I'm going to wear a really bad wig and polyester pants that don't fit and I'll never bother with breath mints."

All I'm saying is that, if it comes down to it, I'll settle for keeping my maiden name if his is really that bad. Given the choice of what's worse to be made fun of Colleen Maloney (Bologna), Colleen Stanky, Colleen Wheezer. Yup, I'll settle for Oscar Meyer's famous piece of processed meat, thanks.

Tattoo Girl

2008-08-13T15:27:00.000-07:00

You could say that I have tats.
A whole lot of them.
So many that they are really squished together and paint my skin the color of splattered coffee with cream.
I used to imagine they were the keys to a buried treasure emblazoned above my knee or shoulder when I was a kid.
I've got so many on my face.
Seriously, just all over the place.
Ain't no getting rid of 'em.
So I gotta live with 'em.
Me and my speckled freckles.
Yup in the summertime,
that's how I roll.

Speckled
Freckled
sometimes
heckled

But
never
ever
let it be said
that sometimes my freckles
go to my head.

Empty Head

2008-08-12T14:56:00.000-07:00

There is nothing left to say.
Nothing in my head anyway.

I sit around.
I think a lot.
Sometimes I think while on the pot.

But there is nothing left to say.
Everything's been said anyway.

I'm out of words.
The well is dry.

I'll find a closet.
I'll hide and cry.

There's no more writing.
I'm left for dead.
There's no more words inside my head!

Here's my noggin.
Here's my head.
It's empty now,
I fear and dread.

I'll take it off and try again.
And maybe tomorrow I'll find words then.

Tree Tops

2008-08-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

Hiding in the tree tops.
Upon the hilly place.
She gazes at the lovey,
splendor by His grace.

And there among the tree tops
and there among the clouds,
she knows that all creation
is worshipping out loud.

For who has carved the mountains?
And who has made the seas?
The One who formed the universe
And formed the heart in me.

So who then knows me better?
And who then knows you too?
Why it's the Lord Almighty
And He's calling after you.

Part of a conversation I heard today at the park

2008-08-03T18:29:00.000-07:00

Mother: "No I didn't!"

Son: "Yes you did!" (Then screams across the park to his father) "Dad! Mom says she didn't farted but she did!"

Note to self: Do not lie to your children when they already know the truth- or prepare for public humiliation.

Oh For Cryin' Out Loud!

2008-07-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

I am such a big baby. My sister told me about this and maybe you all have already seen it, but I didn't so I want to share this because it gets me all misty eyed...

Guys In Cars Part 2

2008-07-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

Before I say anything, let me prefece this post by saying that this morning, when I left the house, I looked like a school marm with my hair pulled back in a wet bun, no make up and pearl earrings. Plane Jane.

That said I was driving down the interstate on my way to work when a car pulled up next to me and a man lowered his window and was trying to get my attention. I looked over and thought he was trying to tell me something was wrong with my car.

Not quite.

He was simply trying to get me to notice him. Then he started making gogglie eyes at me and raising his eyebrows and gave me the biggest grin ever. This was no kid either. I've gotten that cocky Joey look "Hey how you do’in?" before. This wasn't it. The guy had to be in his mid-thirties. It was a genuine smile but in the silliest "Hey I have to get your attention!" sort of way. I started to laugh at him, I couldn't help it. Then he sped up and got in front of me and stuck his arm out the window and began waving his cell phone frantically in the air as he smiled back at me in his side mirror. I had to put my hand over my mouth because I was laughing so hard at him, but he didn't care. Then he put his cell phone down and stuck his hand out the window and starts to motion with his hand the numbers five-four-two-three and so on. He was trying to give me his phone number and then picked up his phone and shook it out the window again. He wanted me to call him! I was so embarrassed and yet laughing at the same time. Plus, since we were driving in steady morning traffic, there was no way to get away from him.

He was being utterly ridiculous and yet so funny. I called my roommate once I got far enough away from him and told her what happened. I told her how I couldn’t figure it out and how I didn’t look like anything special at all. “Maybe he has some librarian fantasy!” She said which made me laugh even harder.

Maybe?

Quirky Girl

2008-07-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

I watched the movie Dan in Real Life this weekend. I am the most picky movie watcher ever. Mostly because I'm really sensitive about what I watch. But I really love me a quirky movie and if the sound track is odd and quirky that's even better.

Here is a short list of odd movies that I likey:

Dan in Real Life
The Station Agent
The Baxtor
Lars and the Real Girl
My Big Fat Greek Wedding

The sound track is folky and like elevator music for nerds. I love nerds! I think I might search out the soundtrack this week...

On a different note... I also saw Mama Mia this weekend. I most certainly wasted my life in the movie theater as I watched that piece of c-r-a-p. However, I will say this...I do heart ABBA (Leave me alone about the Disco, okay?) and that music was the only good thing about it.
The End.

Lists

2008-07-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here with the biggest bag of Kettle chips ever. I'm still wearing my running clothes from this morning (no shower) and I'm watching the original Superman (sigh).
Let's run down the day shall we?
Wake up, French Press (oh, la la)
Email.
Read.
Write some poetry.
Meet the running buddy in Seattle.
Running buddy takes me to brunch(Yum).
Stop by the snooty spa and take care of the out-of-control-Jennifer-Connelly-Irish- eyebrows.
Drive out to the boss's place and take care of business.
Come home, chill out.
Dinner.
email/blog/veg out.
Need to stop eating these chips before I undo the run.
Bed.
Se Fini!

Sister Conversations...

2008-07-21T20:56:00.000-07:00

Me: "Stop making fun of me."
Lauren: "Then write about me on your blog and I won't make fun of you."

Are you happy now, Missy??

(Oh yes, and she refers to me as "Bean-Head". Seriously, I get no respect.)

Liars

2008-07-19T22:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight I decided to try rinsing my mouth with Listerine. I decided to try it since Surgeon's General (whoever he is) says it's the best; better than my original Colgate mouth wash.

I started to swish and thought of the Listerine commercials with all those people who rinse for 30 seconds in there jammies. Well, this is what I think about those commercials, I think those actors are liars. I think those actors were rinsing with water. Why? Because my mouth burned so bad after 7 seconds I didn't know how I was gonna make it 30.

I tried my best to hold it and did a little hot-mouth-dance (like that was going to help) but after 20 seconds I couldn't stand it so I spit it out and actually screamed because of the burn.

So it's been five minutes. Yes my mouth does in fact feel very clean, although I don't agree with the "minty fresh breath" taste so much. In fact, I think my breath tastes more like a shoe.

But will I do it again tomorrow? You betcha!

Even Though

2008-07-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

God?

Even though I can't feel you, I'll trust you.
Even though I feel confused and overwhelmed, I'll believe you.
Even though I've had enough, I'll let you stretch me more.
Even though I don't see it, maybe never see any of it, I'll still cling to you.
Even though I'm done, I'm glad you're not.

Blech...

2008-07-19T10:20:00.000-07:00

Some days, I just want to stick my head in the sand and pretend that it will all just go away. I know that makes for an unattractive image of me with my bum in the air but there you have it. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I sense Someone who tenderly, but consistently, taps me on my shoulder ( which is near the ground) and will not leave me alone until all issues are dealt with inside my heart.

I give up.

Breathe

2008-07-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

There is something so lovely about holding a baby and rocking it to sleep. They curl up under your shoulder and you feel their body relax and their breathing get heavy. Their temperature goes up and as they wrap their arms around your neck, you feel the warmth of their chubby body. You sit in a corner of a darkened room and rock back and forth in the chair. The rest of the world is spinning and screaming for more...

But in that quiet room,
In that little corner,
With that little baby,
You have need of nothing
And it just feels good to breathe.

Clueless Girl

2008-07-16T12:11:00.001-07:00

I left the house this morning with my shirt on inside out. I didn't notice until I was in the car and happened to look down.

A few weeks ago I went to my bible study with two different flip flops on. That would be a first too. Again, I didn't notice it until much later.

I went for a run with my quasi-running buddy. Afterwards he told me that I had a booger in my nose. (I wonder how long that was there.) Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet.

When I pray that God would help me to walk in humility, He sure has a sense of humor about it.

P.S. It's been hours since I posted all the above and I just noticed now in the late afternoon that I put on my underware on inside out today too. Prefect.

The Cannons

2008-07-11T09:28:00.000-07:00

I think it's been over a week since I've posted! Sorry guys, I know I haven't been around to read your blogs and such. I just haven't had much to say. Plus, I'm leaving for Cannon Beach, Oregon for a girls long weekend in a few hours, so I gotta pack.

I'll be sure to bring my helmet when they shoot me out of the cannons. (Kidding) Maybe I'll even post some pictures when I get back....Vacation, here I come.

This Is Not A Pity Party

2008-07-04T23:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I think I go for days without being touched by anyone.

Sometimes, when I get under my big blue and white fluffy down comforter at night, I think it must be nice to be married and have someone to hold me while I fall asleep.

Yes, that must be nice.

So I make myself think about people in hospital beds in third world countries, who have no one to comfort them. I think about small orphans who have no one to hold them aside from a diaper change. I think about old people in homes, who have been forgotten about and have no one to give a rip about them because they are old and don't look pretty or smell nice anymore.

Am I really this selfish? If I want someone to hold me, I should go and hold them.

Jesus was a very compassionate man. But I felt like the Lord showed me that you can have all the compassion in the world for people and it means nothing if you don't do anything with it. Imagine if Jesus, being full of compassion didn't touch people or hug them, or kiss them. Imagine if he didn't heal their sick or visit them in their homes. What sort of a loving God would that be? He wouldn't be loving at all.

I don't think Jesus, being single sat around waiting for people to hug him or love him. He simply went after them. However, even in His pursuit of them, it wasn't out of selfish means to receive affection. It was done out of His obedience to the Father and I know He was blessed because of it.

So what if I don't get a whole lot of affection? I won't die without it...
but somebody else might.

Sister Talk

2008-07-04T22:28:00.000-07:00

We were talking tonight. I was blabbing on about stuff when she said this..."Colleen, just be you, but don't be you." Funny, but she didn't have to expand on that at all because I knew exactly what she meant.

Thank goodness for siblings...

Constructive Criticism

2008-07-02T23:44:00.001-07:00

Dear Readers,

This is embarrassing to confess, but it must be done. My spelling and grammar are officially Stink-O. The reason? I am not patient when I write and I tend to write and post late at night when I'm tired. Why am I confessing this? Because I'm embarrassed that my mistakes are out there for you all to read and I have been officially made aware of it by an outside source.

So now that I’ve received this constructive criticism, I’m going to take it. I'm also going to try and post more slowly so that I have more time to proof my work. This will not be easy, as I just want to get it out of my head as soon as possible. Much like a pregnant woman in the throws of labor.

However, I realize that if I want to be a better writer, I'm going to have to hone this craft more. If that means waiting and going slower than I'd like then so be it.

Just thought I should let you know…

Prison For Dogs

2008-07-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

Two weeks before we moved to England we had to say goodbye to our dog, Bonnie. Bonnie was a middle-aged Black Lab. She was the darling of our hearts. We said goodbye to her because we were flying her over to England two weeks before we left. It was a very pathetic scene in our living room. I remember the huge travel crate that was sitting there, waiting for her. Waiting for her body. We were all crying and hugging her and saying goodbye. I know she was just a dog, but she wasn't stupid. She knew something was going on and it wasn't good. The worst thing about it was that she couldn't understand us. I was miserable over this, because what was about to ensue was only going to get worse.

You see in England, they don't have rabies and so any animal that is brought into the United Kingdom must undergo what is known as Quarantine. Depending on the animal, depends on how long the quarantine. For dogs, it was six months. Now just in case you're thinking that quarantine is like "The Kennel" it's not. When you take your dog to the kennel the dogs usually get free time from their crate to run around and chase other dogs and play together outside.

Quarantine is not like that. It's basically prison for doggies. The cell's are about three and half feet wide and about 12 feet long. They are made of cement and the dogs are not allowed to have plush toys. Rubber things were OK, but that was about it. The dogs were also not allowed to have interaction with each other and they were not allowed to play outside at all. Half the cell was indoors and it had a small doggie door that connected to the rest of the cell which was outside, but completely enclosed.

Three weeks or so later, we were finally able to see her. I remember getting out of the car and you could hear the sound of barking and howling from the parking lot. I was sick to my stomach about what it was going to be like.

Here was this dog that we had for seven years. She was loyal...waiting by the door for us to come home from school every day. She came to wake up each family member in the morning with her nose and her tongue in your face. She didn't play favorites with us kids. She adored us as much as we adored her...and we sent her to jail. I was nervous about how she would react toward seeing us again.

After we entered the place, we were led down a sterile, gray cement corridor. As we walked along we saw all the other dogs in quarantine howling, barking or sitting very forlornly on the floor. And then we were led to her cell. The "warden" unlocked her door and we were allowed in two at a time. You couldn't fit more people than that. She wagged her tail and wiggled her bum and barked for us. She was so happy to see us. I was relieved. But I still wanted to cry. Her surroundings were so bleak and mean-like and cold.

I remember sitting down on a little stool next to her. I couldn't even stretch out my legs completely because it was so narrow. Then I sunk through the doggie door and threw a ball to her on the cement run that she had. She had to be careful not to run too hard or her paws would slide on the cement and she would run into the back wall which was actually a metal fence.

It was so depressing. There was nothing to do. So I also just spent some time sitting on the ground with her. Eventually we had to leave. I don't recall that we could spend a lot of time visiting. But leaving was awful. We gave her kisses and hugs and started getting up. You could see the panic in her big brown eyes. She got up too and began to pant and make circles around us. I know what she was thinking: "Wait! Where are you going?" "What are you doing?" "Don't leave me here!" "Take me with you!"

Heartbreak, I mean stick a spoon in your heart and gouge it out heartbreak. She would try to get out with us and we would have to push her back and shut the door. Then the howling started and the whining. It was the kind of whining and whimpering that she had done in her puppy years. She wouldn't stop. We had to walk away. We would walk down the hallway to the office and we could hear her whimpering and howling over the other dogs. I was sobbing. I never left that place with dry eyes. Ever. I hated that place. I hated myself because we chose to put her there.

Eventually my mother began bringing raw-hide bones and would pull them out right before we left in order to distract her, and it worked. Finally after the horrid six months were over, we were finally able to bring her home. But she was never quite the same. That place aged her considerably and even though she lived for another four more years, that place just made her older, faster.

When she finally got out, we brought her home to our new house and new surroundings and eventually she adjusted too the oddity of it all.

Five years after we moved back to the States, we brought everything home with us and all the things we picked up along the way. But of all the new and exciting things that we brought back to the States, there was one thing that we had to leave behind. It was the little gravesite behind the garden that held the ashes of our darling dog. The one and only, Bonnie.

For Whom The Bell Tolls. Tonight, That Would Be Me.

2008-06-30T23:55:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I kinda missed dinner. It wasn't until about 9:30 that I was hungry anyway. I was going to head off to the grocery store for some salad fixings since I had no food in the house, (Score one point for being single! I shop when I darn well feel like shopping!) when a friend called me to come over. I realized that the grocery store would take too long. That left me with one of two options. Don't eat dinner at all, or pick up fast food. I almost never, ever eat fast food. I would usually rather go hungry. However at this point, I was already extremely hungry and since there is a Taco Bell right down the street, I figured that was going to have to be my choice of poison for the night.

The last time I was in Taco Bell was when some dork-o cheapskate took me there on a lousy date years ago. I walked into the place like a 15 year old who sneaks into an R rated movie. That is how awkward I feel about fast food. I had no idea what to order so the guy recommend a soft taco. I ordered one. He told me that would never fill me up. So on his recommendation I ordered two for a whopping grand total of 2 dollars and 15 cents. "That's it?" I said. I couldn't believe it. My grande, split americano with room is more than that and here I was getting a whole meal! No wonder Americans are getting bigger, I didn't realize fast food was so inexpensive!

As I drove over to my friends house I could smell my dinner wafting through the car. It smelled pretty good to my hungry nose. Upon arrival I was exclaiming how excited I was that my dinner was so cheap, but that's when my friend Jeff had to go and ruin it for me.

"Wow, Colleen." He said. "That's pretty cheap for diarrhea."

Sick.

Pushing

2008-06-29T22:36:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty great. (Mom- if you're reading this you will want to stop right now.) I jumped off a 25 foot bridge with some friends this afternoon. (Mom! I told you to stop reading!) It was so incredibly hot. I loved it. 97 degrees. So after church a bunch of us grabbed some lunch and headed to this beautiful area just below the mountains where you can go swimming. There was a bridge above the river and since the water was very deep-some of us decided to jump off it. The first time I went I jumped fast. I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. It felt awesome, but when I hit the water I totally forgot about the jump because it was ice cold. The water was the snow runoff from the mountains and the temperature was enough to literally take my breath away.

The second time I jumped it was much harder for some reason. I stood on the ledge for about 10 minutes. I think it was because I lost my adrenaline rush and logic set in. I started psyching myself out. "I can't do it." I said. "Sure you can." My friend Jimmy prodded. "You did it before, you can do it again." "I'm too scared now, Jimmy!" I said as I stood with my pink toes on the edge of the cement railing. After he counted down from three and up to three almost half a dozen times I told him to stop it because that wasn't going to work. Finally, after gazing down into the sparkling current below I turned my head around and looked down at him. "I want you to push me, or I won't do it." I said. "Really?!" He said incredulously. "Yeah. I'm gonna count to three and then you're gonna push me as I lean forward." I said. "Okay! That 's like a dream come true!" He said. Not necessarily to push me, but anyone. I counted to three as I leaned forward, he gently pushed the back of my legs and I fell and it was awesome.

I think sometimes in life, we all just need a little push.

Summer Nights

2008-06-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

It's so hot tonight that I had to take a cool shower before bed. Now sitting in the living room in sleeper shorts and tank top because my room is too hot. I think I might sleep out here tonight. The ceiling fan is blowing and I can hear my roommate singing her heart out in her room as she plays the piano. I love to hear her sing and play while I'm busy writing away. It's how we live together in the evenings...doing what we each love best. Creative in our own separate ways, yet creative just the same. Maybe that's why we gel so well.

Oh Anna, what would I ever do without you?

Guest Posting!

2008-06-27T00:25:00.000-07:00

You won't find me on my Blog today. Why? Because I decided to guest post on my friend Dan Mega's Blog instead! Check it out!

Night Light

2008-06-18T22:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am like the color of fire.
And the moon looks like it is burning a hole in the night sky.
The clouds look like smoke.
And no one can turn off the Night Light.

Half A Dozen Roses

2008-06-16T10:23:00.001-07:00

When I was 16 years old I dated for the second time. That is, if you could call it dating. I would see James around school and I thought he was cute. At private school we all had a dress code and James always looked smart. He wore a jacket and tie, along with the rest of the boys. I never said a word to him, but I was cheeky and made sure to catch his eye every chance I got.

I made sure to laugh extra loud around my girlfriends, flip my hair and then look his way. He didn't catch on, and that annoyed me.

That is until we had our spring dance. My hair was short and curled, and I wore a long floral dress. It was a twirly dress and I felt like a princess who was on a mission. My mission...get that boy to notice me if it's the last thing I do. Mind you I had never said two words to him. I had no idea what kind of person he was, but at sixteen, I didn't think about that kind of stuff. He was cute and that was all that mattered at the time.

As the night progressed I became more and more frustrated because my attempts at getting his attention were all for naught. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. So I marched right over to him and asked him if he wanted to dance. He looked at me with a blank face and flatly said "No".

I was mortified and furious. How could he not want to dance with me? I wore my best dress! I curled my hair! I was prettier than he was handsome! How dare he say no.
Little did I know it, but even though I got shot down for my bold move, he finally noticed me.

After that, whenever I saw him at school he started making a point of saying hello to me. I decided to forgive his rudeness and let him fall all over himself to win me over.

Eventually we started dating. But I was a foolish sixteen year old and learned the hard way that looks aren't everything. He turned out to be a very sappy boyfriend and a lousy kisser. I remember hanging out by our lockers as we waited for the bus and he leaned in expecting me to pucker up, but instead I turned to give him my cheek. I found myself cringing inside whenever we would hang out. So, I started plotting ways to break up with him. He on the other hand was oblivious to my coolness. Inside my conscience was starting to get the better of me. This was all my fault. If I hadn't been so rash and gotten to know the guy, I would have learned he wasn't my type. (As if at sixteen you could have a "type".)

Then one day he did the unthinkable. As we were getting ready to leave school he said "Did you get it yet?" "Get what?" I said. "Oh, I guess you didn't get it...don't worry you will soon." He said with a great big dumb grin. My stomach churned. I didn't want anything from him. I wanted to break up with him! And now I felt like I was getting in over my head.

I sat on the school bus wondering what in the world he got for me. When I got home my mother was all smiles. "Guess what?" She said brightly. "You've had some flowers delivered today!" "What?" I said. "Yes, look here." And she led me to the kitchen and there in a box lay six of the most beautiful long stem red roses I had ever seen, along with a note from James. I don't remember what the note said, but I do remember that it used the word "Love". I immediately burst into dramatic tears. "Oh, I don't want them!" I wailed. I was Little Miss Drama Queen to the max. "I can't believe he did that! What is wrong with this guy?!"

My little sister who was looking on was totally perplexed. She was in Middle School at the time and was elated for me that her cool big sister got flowers from a boy. I will never forget my mother and sister looking so happy for me one moment and completely clueless the next. I was so upset, I didn't want to touch those pretty flowers. I didn't even want to look at them. I ran out of the kitchen crying and headed for my bedroom.

After I composed myself, I called him and awkwardly thanked him. He was very proud of himself which made me feel so guilty inside. I told myself that I had to hang on. I couldn't just cut this guy loose after such a thoughtful and tender display of affection.... I held on for a week.

Thankfully, it was the very end of the school year and James was moving back to Michigan, or Illinois or someplace like that and we would have had to break it off anyway.

I've received flowers from guys since then, but never received them by mail, like that again. But this is what I will do, should I ever find them at my door step some day. I will pick them up, close my eyes, smell them deeply and then I will say to my grown-up self, "Chill out."

You Know You're In Seattle When....

2008-06-14T21:51:00.000-07:00

Since Dawn posted this, I decided to follow suit with my own version....

1. It is 50 degrees for virtually the entire month of June. (This is not an exaggeration.)

2. You still wear a down vest or jacket in the month of June but you wear it with flip flops because after all, it IS June.

3. You don't pull out your summer clothes until August.

4. There are more Starbucks per square mile than there are bathrooms.

5. You are spoiled rotten because there are so many Starbucks and complain when you go home to NJ that the closest one is five miles away. "What do you mean I can't walk to Starbucks?!"

6. Once you've lived here long enough you also realize that Starbucks is over rated and that the real coffee drinkers prefer the obscure companies. Like Stumptown Coffee, Cafe Vita Coffee, or Vivace Coffee.

7. All your friends work for Microsoft and make lots more money than you.

8. If you don't like to hike, rock climb, kayak, bike, snowshoe, ski, camp, or do triathlons then you need to move to Texas.

9. Walking around with your Nalgene bottle is a cool clothing accessory, so is a Starbucks cup for that matter.

10. If you don't recycle, DON'T TELL ANYONE!

11. You own four rain jackets and every woman owns a pair of big rubber boots.

12. People don't get skin cancer from the sun...they get it from a life time of going to the tanning beds here...because everybody goes tanning. (Well, not everyone, not me.)

13. We all know the Weather Man is just a big fat liar. I don't even know why we hire them here. We all know the forecast is RAIN.

14. If your place of destination is 10 miles away...allow forty minutes for traffic.

15. When the sun actually comes out and everyone goes running from the building to see it.

16. We prefer our Micro Brews from the Northwest over anything else the rest of the Union has to offer us. Unless of course it's imported from Belgium.

17. You know the difference between your Sockeye, Coho, Hunchback, Chum and King Salmon. (And that's just the Pacific kind.) Because yes, it IS that popular here.

18. More people have dogs than children. And there are plenty of Doggie Day Cares or Doggie Lounges to prove it.

19. You can see the Puget Sound, the Olymic Mountains, Cascade Mountains, Lake Washington AND Mount Rainer all on a clear day.

20. You come to visit me!

Birthday Lunches

2008-06-12T16:08:00.000-07:00

My grandmother has 6 grandchildren. I am one of them. Every year on our birthday when we were little she would take each of us out to lunch at Woolworth's.

Woolworth's was an old fashioned five and dime sort of store. It was a chain store that has long since gone out of business, but as a kid, Woolworth's was my favorite place to shop. It was like a Walmart on the inside, but only a forth of it's size.

The best thing about Woolworth's was that it was one of the only stores at the time that had diner bar seating in it. You could shop there and then have lunch, which is exactly what we would do.

My grandmother was great about making a fuss over us. She was good at distributing her love evenly so that no one ever got jealous. I remember being about eight and she'd come to pick me up in her navy blue Oldsmobile and off we'd go.

She used to like to chew Trident spearmint gum. Even thought she was good at hiding it, my hawk eyes could always catch her chewing as I watched her from the passenger seat of her car. I'd ask her for a piece and of course she would say yes and let me dig around inside the big black hole of her purse until I found it and would help myself.

I'd chomp my gum like a cud chewing cow and watch her chew hers quietly out of the corner of my eye.

Once we'd get to Woolworth's, she'd let me tear around the store in search of my perfect birthday present. There was always one of two isles I would end up in. The Barbie isle or the play-makeup and jewelry isle.

After I'd pick out whatever present it was that I wanted, we would make our way to the diner counter and sit on the revolving red cushion stools and order lunch. We would sit side by side. Me with my milkshake, her with her coffee and both of us with a Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwich. She would ask me about school, my friends, life. I would blab on about whatever because I was a drama queen, but she would always listen with an attentive ear and...that made me feel important.

Looking back I don't remember even one specific present that she bought me. I suppose it's because it wasn't about the presents. It was about her being present. It was about the fact that she made time for a bossy little kid like me and even thought she told me she loved me, she never really had to say it because her actions always spoke for themselves.

Now when I travel home for visits I'm the one that takes her out to lunch and I'm the one that picks her up. We go to the diner, because she still likes that sort of thing. This time we both order coffee along with our BLT sandwiches.

We sit and talk. She asks me about my job, friends, life. I blab on about whatever because sometimes, I'm still a drama queen. She listens with an attentive ear. Then I ask her questions about her health, her friends, life and I listen with an attentive ear, and well...that makes her feel important.

Sour

2008-06-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

Computer still busted.
Online in the library.
Really quick....

Sour puss
Sour face
Sour ball
Sour grapes
Sour lemon
Sour lime
Sour stupid silly rhyme.

Exasperated

2008-06-06T22:14:00.001-07:00

Pluses:

-It's hot.
-It's sunny.
-I'm driving a Jeep with an incredible sound system.
-I get to stay with my friend.

Minuses:

-It's hot.
-My lap top died on me today. Simply short circuited. It's broke for all I know. Greaaat.
-I went to Best Buy to see if they could fix it. They couldn't. Then I left the charger and cord there. Gotta go back tomorrow and see if they still have it and hopefully believe me that it's mine. =(
-My feet are for some reason so swollen, they look like a rhinoceros' fat feet. Or a pregnant ladies. You choose. It's gross.

Chalk. It. Up.

Apprehension

2008-06-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to the very excellent Allison Krauss at the moment. Ugh. I LOVE her voice and her music. She's so feminine and her voice is so sweet. Tomorrow I've got a business trip. My first one ever. (Did I ever mention I only taught part-time because of my other job?) I've spent the whole year chasing after children in my Converse or little flats. This weekend those will not be appropriate. I'm busting out my big girl shoes-my high heels. Can I pull this off? Ummm...(Taps fingers, looks up in the air.) Yeah, it'll be good.

I'm going to Arizona. Won't be back till Monday. I'm nervous and very excited. This is a big deal, but I'm ready for it. Been planning this trip with my boss for weeks now. Tomorrow it's wheels up at 14:40. I've never been to Arizona before. I hear it's real hot. Good. Because it seems that summer has come to every state in the union except ours. It was 50 degrees today. I was wearing my wool jacket and in downtown Seattle everyone was all bundled up too.

Tonight after a very disappointing dinner my roommate and I went for ice cream at the drive through. I asked her if I could talk to them in Chinese and she told me that if I did this again to her she would kick me out of the car and make me walk home. Humph. =(

Why Now?

2008-06-04T00:14:00.000-07:00

Why at 12:14am does inspiration hit? Sheesh, here goes...

Grandma's Basement

Was covered with black linoleum and dark wood panels. She had large Mexican and African voo-doo masks on the wall and lots of character drawings too. The voo-doo masks scared the crap out of me. You did not want to get caught as the last person in the basement alone with the voo-doo masks or your head would shrink or devil would getcha. At least, that's what I always thought to myself. Still...I loved that basement. I suppose I partially loved terrorizing myself with my wild imagination. But if you saw how crazy-cool it was, and you were just a little kid, I'm sure you could come up with some scary thoughts too.

There was also a beautiful teak bar in the corner with mirrors all along the back wall so when you sat at the counter, you could look at yourself and boy did I love doing that. We would play down there for hours and scare each other by taking the masks off the wall and wearing them. Then we would sit at the bar with our masks on and someone would play bartender. We were like little Pygmies with cocktails. We must have looked hilarious but we didn't think so at the time.

No doubt I was also the bossy officiator of what we were going to play and how we were going to play it. It often ended up being hide and seek as the opposite side of the basement was the laundry area and crammed with more old clothes to hide in.

Every once in awhile, my grandfather, ever the prankster would walk past the door to the basement, open it and shut off the light switch and shut the door. Immediately we would all start screaming in fear at the top of our lungs because of our hyper-active imaginations. Then I would hear my grandmother yell at him from the kitchen above. "Mike!" She would say. "Cut that out and turn the light back on!" My grandfather had a raspy laugh as he would open the door and flip the switch. After which we would all breathe a sigh of relief. Then he would quickly shut the light off, then on, one more time for good measure and leave.

Another favorite thing about that basement was the old 1950's refrigerator that was down there. That's were my grandmother stored all her goodies. There was always some sort of cake or jello mold waiting for us kids to find. We would ask for a *snack* before dinner, be told NO and then go back down with forks and eat it anyway and try to make it look like we didn't. (Because that always went over well at five years old.)

These are merely my shutter-click memories of growing up in New Jersey, but how I love them so.

Meme

2008-06-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

So, I have decided to do a Meme. I got it from Dawn. This is the first time I've done one of these things and after I did it I read her instructions (typical) and broke the rules because apparently it's only supposed to be one word answers. Well, I sat here and thought this over the first time around and I'm not going back to re-do it. (Sorry Dawn!) Maybe I'll get it right next time;)

If you get something out of a vending machine, it's most likely the: Granola Bar
A word you sometimes catch yourself misspelling: I'm not very good at spelling, so lots of words.
You least want people to see you as: prideful
You're a little scared of: slugs
The least attractive thing you do in your sleep: how do I know if I'm sleeping?
The number of contacts in your cell phone: too many to count
How many of them are restaurants: zero.
You lose your cool when someone: mistreats animals!
When you go to the drugstore, you often can't leave without buying: water or gum.
Your dance moves can best be described as: fun to watch and more fun to dance with.
The majority of your underwear is: none o' yo bidness
Something you eat even though you hate how bad it is for you: hotdogs
You think you're really not a great: swimmer
How much cash is in your wallet right now: $20 bucks and change
The majority of your shoes are this color: too wide of a color variety to have a majority
You don't think you'll ever be able to get rid of your: teeny, tiny baby bracelet that has Chinese writing on it from Singapore.
If your breath is bad, it's most likely because you had the: cheese
You feel embarrassed when you: say dumb things around nice and or cute guys
The last public place where you used the restroom: ??? Cactus Restaurant
Something you don't like to debate in mixed company: politics
You don't think you can pull off wearing: This huge sweater that my mother bought me from England that looks like I have a sheep over my shoulders.
Something you own entirely too much of: jewelry
Someone you would love to see in concert who might bring down your street cred: No one comes to mind, boring...
The last thing that you spilled on yourself: coffee
If you were on a reality show, the producers would likely portray/characterize you as the: Funny Girl, Camera Ham

In the Waiting...

2008-06-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

I saw Indiana Jones last night. At the very end of the movie one of the character's said something that echoed inside of me.
"How much of life is wasted in the waiting."
I kept thinking about that statement....How depressing that would be if it's true.

There are so many things in my life that I'm waiting for...is my life presently being wasted in these season's of waiting? Is yours? I hope not.

There is so much for me to learn in the waiting...Things to learn about myself, Things to learn about the character of God, things to learn about His word. There is still so much for me to learn. If I didn't learn to rest in the waiting seasons, I would NEVER be prepared for the things that I have currently! Crops don't grow unless you till the ground and plant the seeds. And even then, they don't just pop right up. The seeds must die in the ground before the crop comes out of the seed.

If everything I ever wanted was simply handed to me on a silver platter I don't believe I would really appreciate them the way that I do. I learn humility in the waiting. I learn patience in the waiting. I learn self control in the waiting.

All these things can be summed up in one word. Discipline. I learn discipline in the waiting. And I am learning to grow up...even as an adult. Is if fun? Not really. But do I believe in the end it's worth it? You betcha. ;)

So no, I don't believe I'm wasting my time or my youth in the waiting. In the meantime, I'll keep planting seeds and I'll keep tilling the ground in the garden of my heart, my life.

Won't you plant with me?

I am an Irish Colleen!

2008-05-31T01:54:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have moments where you feel totally awesome? I can't say that I have a lot of those moments...but I believe that tonight-I did.

I went out with some friends to celebrate the end of the school year and we went to an Irish Pub. You know what that means...Irish Music. It's like some strange sensation comes over me when I hear it. I kinda go a little nuts inside and the only way to keep me still would be to tie me to a chair.

I brought my Step Dancing shoes with me and after trying to sit still for two minutes, it was no use. I was up and made my way to the front where some people were doing some goof off dancing. I busted out an Irish Reel and cleared the floor in ten seconds flat. I had every person clapping and cheering me on and all I can say was it was an exhilarating experience. One that doesn't happen too often. The music was incredible, I wish you could have been there, it was that much fun.

Oh yes, and the link above is a taste of the band's best stuff.

Little Bella Blue is Back

2008-05-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

Bella Blue is sad today
and this she does not know why.
She rolls away- doesn't want to play.
But tomorrow will be- another day.

Fun Stuff and other Random Thoughts

2008-05-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

Okay. Now I know I'm probably the last person here to hear about this and hop on the hay ride but tonight I finally got around to checking out Pandora.com and well, I'm a big fan of Soft Rock. (And don't gimme that look, you know you like it too.) Anyway, they picked out the Doobie Brother's- What A Fool Believes and then Bruce Springsteen- Hungry Heart (who is awesome because he's a Jersey Boy and he always reminds me of home, being a teenager and the Jersey Shore!) I think I found my new little favorite love.

Yes. I heart Pandora.com.

Plus.....I had the best weekend. I think I ate my weight in food, okay, that's probably not that much but you know what I mean... but I ran and hiked like a crazy girl and it didn't even rain once!

Next personal goal for the summer...work on being a better communicator. Let's just say I'm good at putting my foot in my mouth at times. Ugh. The Bible says that it's impossible to tame the tongue, but oh how I wish I could!

Lame-O Girl

2008-05-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

Dinner tonight.

My fridge is currently only filled with grapes, vegetables, a half eaten chicken carcass and cottage cheese. Blah. I got home real late tonight and since I made cornbread yesterday, that was dinner. Boring! But have you ever been too tired to eat? So that's all it's gonna be =( And to think my plan was pork loin, summer tomatos, corn on the cob and rosemary bread!::Sigh::

If I could dance on water...

2008-05-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

If I could dance on water
and shimmer like a cloud.
If I could hold a sunbeam
and Fa la la out loud.

If I could hide out in the grass
or rest in raked up leaves.
If I could make a blanket fort
or cross the seven seas.

If I could plant a garden way deep inside of me,
your love would be the flowers
for all the world to see.
And in this garden of my heart
so fragrant and so fine,
I'd give you ever flower back
to show this love of mine.

Sweet Things and Slacklining

2008-05-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

Now first let me just say that I'm not one of those girls that looks at every baby and pines for one of her own...C'mon, I mean first thing's first right?

I don't know why, but this week I just kept thinking about how cool it must be to be a mother. How amazing it must be to have that special bond with your very own child...to see your face in their face must be pretty darn amazing.

It just so happen that last night my girlfriend's husband was out of town and she asked if I would want to come for a sleepover. I said sure. She's a dear friend of mine whom I don't get the chance to see that often since our lives are so different and busy.

Well, she happens to have a one year old boy. Pretty stinkin' cute kid if you ask me. Early in the morning I heard him crying and since my girlfriend had been up about 4 times with him I decided to get him myself.

I scooped him out of his crib. He was all warm and baby smelling and I brought him out to the couch with me to quiet him down. I put him on my chest and patted his back. He would lay there with his head on my chest and then every so often he would pick up his head and look at me. He would pat my face with his little hand and then he would stop and put his head down again. This went on and on. It was so precious. I just felt so thankful, that even though I'm learning contentment with were I am in life, I had the desire to be around a baby and had the sweetest time with this little one.

I don't know...it was just really neat....

oh yeah, and I actually had the chance to try slacklining this afternoon with some friends. All I can say is that it's an awesome alternative to working out AND feeling like a kid! Don't worry Mom. I didn't fall too far ;-)

The Glowing Orb is Back

2008-05-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

There seems to been and interesting phenomenon that takes place here in the Northwest. When the sun comes out, people freak out... Myself included.
It's as if we all think "Hey! The glowing orb is out and it's warm! Quick! Go do a million things before it disappears!" My friend Jeff put it well when he said he actually felt stressed out on beautiful days because if you're not outside doing something productive or healthy, then something must be wrong with you. Also everybody asks everybody else with great expectancy "Well, what did you do today?" So, if you weren't outside biking, running, hiking or climbing, well then you're a loser.

Whatever.

Hitting Close to Home

2008-05-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

My Dad called me on Saturday- from Chengdu, China. He has been traveling all over China for over a week now. When I saw the news this afternoon, my heart jumped. I called my mother immediately who still hadn't heard from my father. It was Tuesday morning there at the time, and she still hadn't heard from him.

My first immediate thought was to think the worst considering so many people have already died. He even mentioned that he was going to the Panda Game Park on Sunday, the one that was on the news because it has been out of contact.

I will honestly admit that for a brief moment, a feeling of fear welled up in my heart. But then I thought about the Lord. I know that with a lot of tragic circumstances that have happened in my life, the Lord has often given me dreams of the person and woken me out of sleep to pray for them.

Then the thought came to me, "Lord, how come I did not think of my father before this?" I think I know the reason why...

Because my father is alright. I sent him a quick email and he wrote me back. He left Chengdu 18 hours before the earthquake. Whew! But let me tell, China felt alot closer to me today than it has in years because my Daddy is still there.

It is interesting to me...we feel like tomorrow is promised, but the Bible actually says that it's not.

It makes me think of this sweet little song...

"Just a closer walk with thee,
Grant it Jesus is my plea.
Daily walking close to thee,
When I walk help me walk close to thee."

Man, I want to walk closer to the Lord, there is no safer place to be.

My sleepies are talking

2008-05-11T00:22:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. I don't even know why I'm blogging, except that I felt like I had something to say, only now I can't remember. But I'm comfortable, in my pj's and end of the day hair. Boy do I look like a winner. But at 12:25am I bet you do too. All the rest of the world is still asleep and drooling all over your pillows. But nope, not me. I sleep like a princess...and a princess doesn't snore or drool. But they are allowed to go to bed looking like a slob. Especially when they're single ;-) Dang it!..............I need to get off this computer..........

Saturday's Girl

2008-05-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Saturday afternoon, and I should be out playing or running errands, but instead I'm working. At least I can work wherever I want. So I'm sitting here in one of my favorite coffee shops in Seattle with my butt glued to this wooden bench. Can we say comfortable? (Yeah, notsomuch.) Got my iHog Music in my ear, listening to one of my current favorite artists, Phil Wickham. It beats the strange indie/reggae/rock while I'm trying to concentrate. It is the offical Nerd Girl at work, (on a break) glasses and all. Tough life?...hmmm, not really =)

My Brother's Birthday Present

2008-05-08T10:01:00.000-07:00

Hands to Hold

2008-05-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

Wrinkled old hands
entwined with young and soft ones.
The silence is peaceful
and understood.
You're tired,
so I won't talk too much.
I look at you
and only hope
that someday, someone will come
and hold my wrinkled old hands
in their young, soft ones.
Then someday when they look at me,
I will remember my youth
and feel young again.

Another Day in the Life of the Girl

2008-05-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

You know what's kinda embarrassing? Walking through the supermarket with a huge mother load of toilet paper-the twelve pack kind,
and nothing else. Sometimes I throw in a pack of gum, because you know, that always seems to help.

But then really it just looks like "yeah I go the bathroom a lot and I have bad breath."

Baby Birdies

2008-05-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

This is a very long story...so I'm going to tell you the shorter version...

Apparently, the Woodpecker that was banging away outside my wall was chased out by another bird who invaded it's nest. That's when the Woodpecker began busting open other holes along my Condo walls.

All the fluffing and cooing noises in my wall were coming from the *Starling* couple that moved in. I had the maintenance people come and hole up my walls. But they missed a spot...the spot with the nest.

I knew I was hearing baby birds peeping in my wall, but I didn't realize it was from another bird. (Oh the racket they make at feeding time!)

So, yesterday they pulled out the nest, with 4 helpless baby Starling's inside. I was all glassy eyed and on the verge of tears. (I'm such a wuss.)

I ended up taking them to the animal hospital yesterday and then they will be transported to a bird and wildlife rehabilitation facility. Whenever I talked, they immediately started peeping, but they were so small, they sounded like a dog's squeaky chew toy. I filled a rubber glove with hot water, wrapped an elastic band around it and put the nest on top, along with towels.

Hungry little guy, huh?

(I know it only looks like there are three, but really there was four.)

What a day and what a fiasco it's been for two weeks. Actually, even months longer before that!

To Kill a Woodpecker

2008-05-01T09:13:00.000-07:00

I have been working on this post for two weeks. But then I HAD to send this email off today, which may have wrecked the post. (Since I'm posting my letter to him for you all to see.) But I just thought I'd share with all of you my ongoing saga and the real email that I sent to our Condo Association this morning.

Hello Ron,

As my roommate Anna mentioned, I am in fact the roommate who is on the edge of insanity. This has been going on since February and it has only gotten worse. The head of my bed is directly behind one of the nests. I cannot even begin to describe what it's like having a 5 inch tall jackhammer wake you at 7 am every morning, right in your ear. I no longer need an alarm clock.

Right now they are quiet. This is a rarity in the morning. However, I feel as though I hear so much fluffing, breathing, cooing, and stirring noises that any Woodpecker enthusiast would do anything to get the inside scoop on my Woodpecker co-habitation. Did I mention she's right next to my ear??

Th other hole, which is now bigger than my fist is higher up. It is against the wall of our shower. The other bird pecks there. This one has also begun pecking on the inside of the wall. (Yes, we are privileged enough to have not one but two birds nesting in our walls.) I am expecting to see it's beak come through any day now. I will be tempted to tweak it off if it does. The only time that one is quiet, apart from this morning is when the shower is on and as soon as we are done, our Little Woody is at it again.

But my favorite thing is when they drill on the metal chimney.

Since I work part time from home, I must tell you that this has been driving me up the wall. I am a huge animal enthusiast but I can't stand this animal.

I know the Bible says we are to love our neighbor, but this is ridiculous.

Sincerely Frustrated and Frazzled,

Colleen Maloney

--

The Biggest Compliment From The Littlest Person

2008-04-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

Today while I was busy tying the shoelaces of one of my most mischievous little boys he looked at me and said flatly but sincerely, "You're a good teacher." I looked up at him, trying to hide my surprise. "Well, you're a good student." I said. He smiled and then walked off.

I've never heard that from any of my students before. Let alone one that I often have to discipline. I'd say today was a pretty good day.

Then later on I found the same little boy's shoe in the corner of the room. "Jake." I said. "Why do you keep taking off your shoe?" "Because..." He said. "Today I have a wooden leg. I don't need a shoe." "Oh. Okay. Well that makes sense." I said to him and left it at that.

Against all Odds

2008-04-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. I took a nap today after church and now I'm WIDE awake. So I thought I'd post this:

I wanted to prove a point. Sort of. First of all, I think this photo is amazing. I took it awhile ago on a hike, when my mother came to visit me. The stump of this tree was obviously ripped off, probably by lightening. But against all odds these two trees grew off the stump and the roots made their way into the ground. I think it's incredible how nature can do that. And well, since I wrote this, I wanted to prove that it can happen in real life.

As you were. As you were...

Childhood Nostalgia

2008-04-27T15:55:00.000-07:00

I remember summers at my grandmother and grandfather's house in Roselle, NJ. I was about 6 years old. In the eyes of my childhood I took such wonder in the small things that I found there.

I would often sneak outside to be alone and explore. I enjoyed being alone as a child, making up imaginary friends and talking to myself. Imaginary friends were the best as I could always boss them around and make them do what I said.

As I'd make my way out the door I'd run around the side of the house. I could always smell them before I saw them. The smell of the mint leaves. I loved to kneel down in the grass, pick the mint leaves with my little fingers and eat them. I would pretend I was chewing Wrigley's Spearmint Gum. It was always a delightful experience. Then I'd run to the back of the house where the honeysuckle was hanging. I'd gingerly pick the flowers and pull out the tall stem in the middle and sip the honey on the end. These were my secret outdoor treasures and I hid their riches in my mouth.

Upon finishing my seasonal ritual, I'd make my way to the end of the block. At this point I'd usually be dragging my bratty and sweaty little brother and we'd cross the street and run to the little bridge and hang over it and stare down into the brook.

As always curiosity would brew over and we'd be sliding down the bank to splash in the shallow waters. I would be picking flowers and my brother would be standing in the brook in his sandals trying to catch small fish, frogs or the occasional piece of strange garbage floating by.

Then my grandmother would come and get us for dinner. "Veneca a Comer!" She would say as she walked towards us. Which meant "Come and eat" in Spanish. We'd scamper up the bank and run home to wash our hands and and prepare for and eventful meal of my Papa's goofy faces while he tried to touch us with his "scary ugly finger". We called it the scary ugly finger because he had the tip of his middle finger sawed off in an accident once. He always thought it was funny to give people "the finger" just so he could show off how ugly it was.

The best part about dinner was after it was over, my brother and I would hide under the table and anyone who was barefoot was in for a brutal game of Toe Pinching. My Papa would hand me my dessert under the table while I acted like a hungry animal. Then my mother would scold my grandfather for encouraging me to act like a dog that was begging for it's food.

Evenings were polished off with me sitting in my Papa's leather recliner watching the original Battle Star Galactica or the Muppets. I'd have my great-grandmother's afghan flopped over my stuffed belly and I'd slowly drift off to sleep with my mouth open until my mother would pick me up and carry me off to bed.

Dreams

2008-04-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

Last night I drempt I caught my Preschool boys siphoning gas out of peoples cars. What the heck?

Things Aren't Always As They Seem

2008-04-23T22:45:00.000-07:00

This evening my dear friend was having a disagreement with her boyfriend in the car. She was kind enough to relay the details of their ridiculous fight. We laughed at how typical a girl she is and how typical a guy he is...
(Ahem, Dan Mega I hope this makes you LOL.)

Jane- "It's so hard for me when you just clam up and don't express yourself."

John- "Sorry."

Jane- I know you say you're sorry, but you don't act like you're sorry.

John- "Sorry! What do you want me to say? I'm sorry."

Jane- "But, if you really meant it, we wouldn't have been driving in silence for the last ten minutes!"

John-(continues to drive in mute silence while looking very pained.)

Jane-(In a pleading voice) "When you say you're sorry, I want you to mean it! I want you to put you're hand on my knee and look into my eyes and sincerely say "Babe, I'm really sorry."

John- "Okay. I get it. I'll do it next time."

Jane- "Ugh! I still feel like you don't understand me! I really want you to just understand me."

John- "Babe! I understand you, okay? It's just that, well, I really have to poop."

Christmas Music Would Be Appropriate Because...

2008-04-19T16:29:00.000-07:00

It's snowing here today. And it snowed yesterday. And I will remind you that it IS in fact April 19th. If I wanted to live in Alaska for this kind of weather, I would have moved there. And if you're wondering...yes, it stinks.

WAX on WAX off

2008-04-16T15:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday little "Jack" came into my classroom and went to put his name tag in the basket, but brought it over to me instead. He held up his name tag to me and said. "Teacher, this is not my name."
"Yes it is." I said. "No it's not!" He said to me in a scolding tone. "My name is WAX!" He proceeded to tell me that WAX is what he wanted me to call him from now on and would I please write WAX on the back of his name tag. He was being so ridiculous that I thought he was joking. So I said to him, "Listen, Jack I know you are only joking when you talk to me like that, but that's not the way you talk to your teacher." Then I took the name tag, wrote WAX on the back of it, handed it to him and said, "Here you go WAX."
To which he replied with a straight serious face, "I wasn't joking."

****************************

I have another student, "Allie". She loves to tell me about her life outside of school. These were just part of our conversations. (Which by the way always consist of who do we think is better Princess Aurora or Cinderella):

Allie: "Teacher Colleen, did you know that my sister has learned to go to the bathroom on the toilet now?"
Me: "Oh?"
Allie: "Yes, and whenever she goes, My Mom gives her a jellybean!"
****************************
Allie: "Teacher Colleen! Guess what?
Me: "What Allie?"
Allie: "My Mommy and Daddy are going away and Grandma is coming to stay with us!"
Me: "Really? How exciting! How long is she going to stay with you?"
Allie: "She is coming for Three Sleeps!"
(Adorable)

Brother

2008-04-15T23:42:00.000-07:00

I remember when we were very young and I was afraid of a windy beast called the Night Wind. I would scurry out of my bed in the middle of the night and crawl into yours. You were no more than two years old and I was four. I would climb over your red guard rail that Mom made out of wood. She had to make it herself, since they didn't sell that sort of thing for children in Hong Kong back then. I then would snuggle up next to your little body and fall asleep against the rise and fall of your back, in your pilly cotton pajamas.

Now you are a grown-up. Successful. Wall Street, even.

But this one thing I know...you will always be my little brother, and my very first friend.

The Closet

2008-04-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

The Closet of my grandmother's old house was the portal to her past. She was and still is the only person who's past I was ever able to enter. Her world became mine when I opened the door and I had many a Narnia moment in the back of that closet.

What was the best was that everything was real. It wasn't the kind of dress up stuff you buy for little kids. It was real grown-up clothes and I liked real grown-up clothes best. She had everything that a little girl could need in order to become a woman at the tender age of six.

I would wear her sparkly silver and glass high heels which I called her "Cinderella Shoes" because that's exactly what they looked like. The closet was about three feet deep inside and when you pushed back all the clothes there were piles and piles of hat boxes.

I would turn the low watt light bulb on which hung from a very old pull string and get to work digging through the boxes in order to determine what sort of outfit I was looking to pull together.

To this day the scent of musty cedar reminds me of her closet and all those gently worn clothes. Even in the summer heat, I would be in that closet on the second floor with no central air, practically suffocating. I remember sticking my head out between the clothes, gasping for breaths of fresh air while my fine brown hair would get matted to my forehead. Then like a baby seal I would go back under. But I didn't care.

Eventually I would emerge with the most fabulous ensemble I could find:
A short brown wig.
A pink pill box hat.
White gloves with black polk-a-dots on them.
Gobs of jewelry about my neck. Coral lipstick, and her Cinderella Shoes.
I was Audrey Hepburn A-la-Carte and I loved myself.

But I don't know who enjoyed the game more. Me, because I got to play dress up, or her, getting the biggest kick out of her granddaughter clop, clopping around in those Cinderella Shoes.

Slightly Bent

2008-04-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been bent?

I used to think I was pretty straight up and down. But then I realized that I was really just a vulnerable little tree. And a giant humongous storm came and even though my tree was straight, it bent. It bent waaaaaaaaaaay down. So far down that it cracked at the bottom and the roots came up. What a disaster. All those roots sticking up and looking all ugly, like Medusa's wicked snake head. I felt like I was exposed and my insides were hanging out. And even though not everyone could see them, I knew they were there and I was "off limits".

This is my story. This is the Story of Slightly Bent. Maybe you can relate too...

Once there was a tall beautiful tree that lived in the Forest of Light and Shadows. It was a happy tree. Until one day a terrible storm came and shook the tree from top to bottom. When the storm was over the tree was alive, but barely. The tree hated that storm. It hated it so much because it broke it and the tree hated what it now looked like. It hated to see how weak it actually was. It thought it was strong. It thought it was invincible.

It-thought-wrong.

For a very very long time the tree sat on it's side. Mourning it's broken ugliness and wishing it were the way it used to be. The tree tried to get up. But it could not. It kept trying though. Oh how it tried.

Then the tree would look around while it was lying on it's side and look up at all the other trees and thought, "How come I'm the only tree like this? Nobody else is broken or bent like me." Then the tree noticed all the birds and squirrels who would come to the tree looking for it's fruit, but the tree had no fruit to give them. Oh how it longed to give them some fruit. But since it was lying on it's side instead of being rooted in the ground, there was no way for fruit to be produced. This greatly saddened the tree as it had a great desire to produce much fruit.

So the tree lay there.

And it lay there.

And it lay there.

And it always tried to budge. And it would always fall back down. And the discouragement that tree felt was almost as excruciating as the storm that blew it over. "I'll never get up." It though as it let out a pitiful sigh. "I'm going to lie here like this and rot away until I die."

Now the tree didn't know this but the Farmer who planted the tree had been watching it since before the storm ever came. The Farmer watched the tree struggle to get up and fall back down. All the while the Farmer was hoping for the tree to call out for help.

Then one day the tree called out into the air "I'm dying!" And the bugs and worms were starting to crawl all over it. "I'm dying and there is nothing I can do to save myself!" And then from out of nowhere the Farmer came over. "I know." He said. "You do?" Said the tree. "Then why don't you just fix me!" It cried. "Because, if I just "fix" you, you're going to break again. I don't want to fix you. I want to heal you. You've got moss, fungus and bugs crawling all over you. If you want me to get those things off, I'm going to have to scrape them off and it's going to hurt. And I'm going to want to chop off that old broken part of you. So, if I do this, you're not even going to look like a tree for awhile. You're just gonna look like a stump."

The tree thought about this. It though about how long it had been broken. How long it tried to get up. How long the bugs had been crawling all over it. And how miserable it had felt.

The tree let out one last heaving cry into the air. "Okay." It said. "Do whatever you need to do. I'll do whatever you want me to do. I just don't want to be this way anymore."

"Are you sure?" The farmer asked.
"Yes." Said the tree weakly. "I'm sure."
"Great. Then I'll just get to work." And the farmed immediately pulled out a large sharp ax.
"Wait!" Cried the tree. "What are going to do with that?"
"I'm going to get rid of the broken part of you that is rotting off your insides" He said. "Did you have something else in mind?"
"Well," said the tree. As it began to bargain... "Can't you just spray some Miracle- Grow on there and maybe some flowers will grow over it?"
"I could..." Said the Farmer, "But underneath those flowers, you would still be a rotting tree."

"Oh yes, I see." Said the tree. "Well, then I know you know what is best. So you may chop it off." It said quietly. So the farmer nodded and placed one steady hand on part of the tree and held His sharp ax over his head with the other hand. And in one clean chop the majority of the trees' bug infested broken part was chopped off. The tree wailed loudly but The Farmer patted the top of the tree were the clean open rings shown.
"There now." He said kindly. "It's over." Then he went around and cleared the earth beside the tree and and put the tree stump back in the ground so it's roots were no longer showing.
"Now I don't look like anything." Said the tree.
"Sure you do!" The Farmer smiled. "You look like a nice clean stump. And it looks a lot nicer then being a bug infested rotting tree."
The little stump-tree agreed. "I feel alot lighter." It said. "And nothing hurts!"
"I know." Said the Farmer.
"Will you come back and water me tomorrow?" Asked the tree.
"Sure." said the Farmer. "I'd be delighted to."

So the next day the Farmer came back and watered the tree. And the tree asked the Farmer to come and water it the next day and the Farmer did, and the next day and the next and everyday thereafter.

And something miraculous happened. The tree started to grow again from the center ring. It grew and it grew off of it's old stump. Until the tree grew over the stump and became Slightly Bent. It didn't mind being Slightly Bent, because even though the tree was strong and tall, it's slightly bent shape always served as a reminder to what had once happened to it and how nobody could help it heal or save it, except the Farmer.

And you know what else happened? It began to bare fruit again. More fruit than even before the storm. So now there were lots of little birds who came to make their home in the tree's lovely limbs and the squirrels dinned on its tasty nuts and fruit.

And to this very day the tree asks the Farmer to come and water it and every day...He does.

Author's Note: please visit HERE as proof that Slight Bent really does exist!

Cravings

2008-04-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

Write.
I write for passion.
Because my head is exploding
and I'm giving birth to
my soul every time I do.
If I don't write I feel like
a pregnant woman who is overdue.
Sometimes I don't write for you.
Just for me and I don't ever show anyone.
Somethings I don't want you to know.
Somethings I don't want you to know-just yet.
But I will tell you today.

Oh that there is a stirring within me.
Does your soul stir too?
How can so many people be so different,
and yet we are all so much the same?
The things that I long and crave for are the same things that a happily married woman with a family and a big house craves for.
They are the same things that a teenage boy craves for.
They are the same things that child in the most privileged of homes craves for.
Or the beggar on the street....
To be known on the inside.
To be deeply loved.
To be soothed from our fears.
To be cared for.
Oh that there is a stirring within me.
That we would stopping looking to the things that are created by man's hands.
And look to The One who's hands created man.

Random And Not So Random Thoughts

2008-03-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

I'm plopped on the couch. Drinking blueberry tea and watching a program about Jesus on the Discovery Channel.

I'm thinking about Spring coming soon....

Today was St. Patrick's Day. They don't call me Colleen Maloney for nothing. If I could have, I would have been out tonight doing some Irish Step Dancing (Yes, the Riverdance kind) in my black clogging shoes. But it was not to be this year...

Yesterday, I ran the St. Pat's Dash in Seattle with 15,500 people. It was nuts and really fun. People were dressed in costumes and goofy running get-ups. One guy was running in his green "tighty-whitie" underpants. I didn't actually see him, but my friend did and said he actually won a prize for his "costume".

There was also this one guy about my age who kept a good pace and I basically followed him the whole way. I realized that running in his wake kept me from having to dodge between people because he was doing it for me. Then he started loosing steam and I caught up to him and told him to keep going because I was following him. Well, he sure perked up after that. It was funny to me how such a small word of encouragement could work, even to a stranger. It smelled like rain and sweat as I ran through the tunnels of downtown Seattle. I felt like I was running in a herd of human cattle but all in all it was a pretty exhilarating.

So, back to Spring. I love spring, because it's a time of new beginnings. My birthday's coming up and every year for the past few years I've been taking stock of things in my life around this time...things I want to do, things I haven't done. I just want to learn to live more purposefully, does that make sense?

Something I've decided to do is to take a break from my blog and reading blogs. I know I do that from time to time. But this time, I'm going to take a considerable break and when I come back, then you will know I'm back. I may still write on the other blog though...I don't know. I just really want to limit my time on the Internet, as I waste a lot of time on it and I feel like there are other more productive ways that I want to be spending my time. I cannot ignore my email though, as it is a life line to my job. So feel free to shoot me an email and update me on life if you feel so inclined. I promise I'll respond =)

On Matters of Poetry and Sometimes My Soul

2008-03-14T08:45:00.000-07:00

I am an old dry sea sponge,
tossed upon the shore,
with nothing left to wring out.

But I have also noticed,
that the dryer the sponge,
the faster it absorbs water.

Somebody please,
throw me back from whence I came...

Slide

2008-03-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

All Gone

2008-03-06T13:57:00.000-08:00

I hate this picture. This is all that was left of my house before the new buyers began to construct the monstrosity that is now on the property. This arbor was part of the garden gate to the backyard of my summers past. Many a family picnic and many a lazy summer afternoon on the hammock took place behind this arbor and it's gate.

Sometimes, my memories feel so real that they hurt inside...and there is no way to ever let them out.

The gym T-shirt I'm thinking of making...

2008-03-05T23:59:00.000-08:00

I'm not a Brick House
I'm not Mighty Mighty
AND
I'm not letting it All Hang out.

Little Ones

2008-03-05T23:21:00.000-08:00

The other day one of my girls came up to me and very dramatically threw the back of her hand up to her forehead and cried "Teacher, I have a terrible toothache on my head!"

"Oh really?" I said. "Are you sure you don't have a headache on your head?"

"Oh yes." She said. "That too!"

***********************************

One of the father's of one of my students is about my age. His daughter is no idiot and knows that I am not married. However, she must not have been thinking her thought process through (her parents are married) when we had this conversation....

"Teacher, you wanna marry my Dad, don't you?"

"What? What makes you ask me that?"

"Because my Daddy's reeeeaaally handsome, so you wanna marry him."

(Me smiling and saying gently)"Honey, your Daddy's already married, so no, I don't want to marry your Daddy."

"Oh, well that's okay." (...And we resume painting)

The Answer!

2008-03-03T08:43:00.001-08:00

Yesterday one of my friends was coming home from the airport, so another friend suggested that we Post-It note his entire car...and that's exactly what we did!

I highly recommend trying this. With twelve people. It only took us an hour.

Guessing Game

2008-03-02T16:35:00.001-08:00

Okay. So I kinda took this idea of guessing from my friend David McMahon, but even he will appreciate this.

Guess!

The Ping Pong and The Fish

2008-03-01T12:14:00.000-08:00

My thoughts ping-pong on the backboard of my head.
When I'm paying attention to what I'm thinking about,
I am in control of them with the paddle.

Then there are days when my thoughts swim like a school of fish.
So tightly together,
I can't think straight.

Things That Drive Me Crazy

2008-02-29T13:29:00.000-08:00

I love it when I'm in a public restroom and I'm precariously leaning over the potty in a crouched skiing position and my thighs start burning from holding the form after 15 seconds and I quickly go to grab the toilet paper, only to find the roll is so heavy that it comes off...one square at a time.

I love how my phone has an automatic button for the camera on the side. There is no way to lock the button, so next thing I know my phone has taken 50 pictures of the inside of my purse and used up all the camera memory. Then I have to manually delete each black picture by hand. I love that.

I love it when I go to use to the bathroom in a public restroom and the person before me really made it stinky. Then I come out and someone is waiting to use the same bathroom and they make a face at me because they think that I made the stinky.

I love it when I'm having a conversation with a group of people I don't know very well and one of the people has something hanging in their nose. And no one tells them. I especially love it when that person is me.

I love it when I am in a terrible rush and the person in the car in front of me is driving below the speed limit and they are inevitably going in the same direction as I am the whole way.

I love it how when I meet someone I am actually attracted to I clam up and don't say a word and totally ignore them. I fear they will sense my attraction. So in essence they probably think I hate them ...now there's a clever girl!

I love how Troll Men have no trouble chatting me up, (Think Mr. Collins in Pride and Prejudice) And the cute guys are too intimidated to talk to me. (Think Mr. Bingley)

I loved how the 4 year old I used to nanny for would accidentally dump her drink in my crotch when out to lunch and we would walk around the mall afterward and it looked like I wet my pants.

I loved it how everywhere I went with "my" four year old she always had to use the potty. Then once I sat her down on the toilet she would look into my face and say, "Now I don't have to go." (Yeah, that was classic.)

Oh how I love these things!

The Annoying Neighbor

2008-02-29T12:56:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up to my annoying neighbor. She is so loud. She bangs on my wall every morning and throughout the day. Sometime I bang on my wall and shout back at her to Shut up. I think she thinks it's a game. She bangs on her side, then I bang on mine. This time last year her kids were so loud too. They all live in the same room and I always knew when she was going to feed them because all of her kids would start crying at the same time. I find this really annoying at seven o' clock on a Saturday morning.

Last year it got so bad that I finally had them evicted. I know that may sound mean, but I couldn't take it. All her banging and their baby-crying was just too much.

Apparently though, she is moving back in. (That's why all the banging). It will only be a matter of time before I hear those annoying brats again.

Fortunately for me, I'm a lot bigger than she is and she doesn't scare me one bit. She's a Woodpecker and she has a thing for the wall next to my bed. But don't worry, when I had the exterminator called last year, he moved her nest and her babies to a safe place. Probably have to do the same thing this year. Honestly, one of these day I'm expecting her to peck her way through the wall and into my room. Silly Woodpecker.

Love According to Dean Martin

2008-02-29T12:32:00.000-08:00

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore."

Really? That's amore? That's amore?! No wonder half the adult population of the United States is still single. Apparently I'm waiting for a moon-like meteorite to hit me in the face and then I will find love. Albeit half dead and deformed and laid up in the hospital. If that's love according to Dean Martin, then I hope it never finds me.

Who's a Quiet Girl?

2008-02-26T20:33:00.000-08:00

I am!

Hi All. Just wanted you to know that I AM alive and well. Just haven't been into writing much lately...I'll be back, promise. =)

The Cookie Monster

2008-02-15T00:00:00.001-08:00

Sick. I feel so sick. My mother sent me homemade Valentine cookies today. It's 12am and I fell asleep on the couch then woke up in a stupor and just wolfed down 7...no, 8(?) of her cookies. I can't believe I just did that. It's not like me to gorge myself of food. I usually have pretty good self control. But it's only after I ate them one after another that the sugar high has kicked in and I'm aware of what I've done. She's a liar. She put crack in those cookies.

And I'll be running those off for the rest of the weekend...

Somethings You Gotta Try Once...

2008-02-11T22:50:00.000-08:00

I have a story to tell. This is not my story. It's my roommate's. But it’s entertaining and scary at the same time. We decided to take the opportunity to share it with you, so here goes. In her (our) words...

I'm not one who likes to use dating websites; however I have been convinced in the past. I'm surrounded by people who love me very much and desperately want to see me get married. This time it was my sister-in-law who did the persuading.
She had recently convinced our friend to join eHarmony and I thought since he's a great guy; maybe there are other quality guys on eHarmony.

And so it began...the matching, the pictures, the reading, the profiles, and the compatibility test. I fell for all of it. I thought it might be true; the promises, the hope, the catchy commercial with all those sappy people swooning over each other about the love of their lives. As I typed I could hear the music from the commercial playing in my head "This will be an ever lasting love for meeeeeeeeeeeee!" (Darn that stupid song.)

It wasn't long after I began wading through the discount rack of so called “quality” men and eliminating most, that there appeared to be a decent and hopeful prospect. He looked nice enough and he even had a picture of himself with a cute kitty. (I should have known better that any guy who posts a picture of himself walking with a kitten on a leash should be suspect.)

We started communication through our cyber correspondence and things seemed to be going great. He seemed well adjusted, slightly charming, well thought out, educated, and stable even.

And then we had our first and last infamous phone conversation. My brother warned me not to pull a Seinfeld but rather to give the guy a chance. However when the first phrase came out of his mouth all hope was lost. Note to guys; don’t ever tell a girl she sounds like a nanny. So what if I am? What does that even mean? The monotone drone of his voice immediately had me thinking "and you sound exactly like an accountant.” (Which he is.) However, I being a woman of tact and discretion held my tongue on the matter.

The conversation went something like this:

Him “So have you gotten a lot of dates from eHarmony?"

Me: “No. Have you?”

Him: “Oh yeah! Tons! I'm in communication with about 7 girls right now!”

Me: Thinks to self: (Sheesh! Even if it's true don't tell me that!)
My attempt to redirect conversation; “So, is that your cat in the picture?”

Him: “No it's my ex-girlfriends.”

(Awkward silence)

Him: "So, my problem is this....let me try to sugar coat this...I tend to find girls at my church kinda geeky. And I find myself really attracted to the "bad girls.” I mean, girls at church are so up tight about sex and they don't even want to talk about it. It's like it's bad or something..."

Me: (Thinking to self: This is SO inappropriate for my first conversation with you! Are you really saying this to me? Are you REALLY saying this??)
It took him less than five minutes to turn this conversation to sex.

Me: (Stammering) “Well, uh, I, I, that's not my experience...” Then I started thinking, “Why am I even responding to this? I just wanted to bust up laughing. How socially inept is this guy or is he really that big of a pervert?

Me: (Yet again, attempting to redirect the subject.) “So, do you have any plans for Valentines Day?”

Him: “Yeah, I'm pretty sure I have a date.”

Me: “Oh, a girl from church?”

Him: “No. eHarmony. I don't consider it exclusive until our second or third date.”

Me: (Thinks to self, "Again, even if it's true WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME?!")

Him: "I mean if by the third date we aren't having sex...just kidding. I mean sixth date, kidding again!"

Me: (Actually saying) “I don't know you. Why do you think I would think that's funny?!” (Psycho perv)
At this point the conversation turned slightly political, something about the CIA but I had already checked out.

Me: “Well, it's late and I need to get up early so I should probably go."

Him: “Wow! We really hit some deep topics of conversation! Next time we'll have to talk about ..."
I didn't even hear what he had to say. It was drowned out by the screaming thoughts in my head "NEXT TIME! YOU THINK THERE'S GOING TO BE A NEXT TIME?!"

Twenty minutes later I closed my eHarmony account and all I can think is; Ick! This guy has my number!

Next person who tries to get me to do online dating again is gonna get decked. If this is what cyber dating is like I’ll take my single life any day. Colleen, will you grow old with me?
Colleen: “Not on your life.”

We Run 4 Fun

2008-02-10T17:30:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling pretty tuckered at the moment. The weather has been so lousy here that my level of endurance is not what it has been for running. Meaning, I haven't been =( Still the race today was so much fun. It was quite the event for a small 5k. Two thousand people showed up! It was a Valentine's Day run called Love 'em or Leave 'em. Pre-race we joined the sea of runners which included their dogs and kids in strollers. Everyone was so friendly and it was so easygoing.

Here's a list of the music I ran to on my iPod:

Weapon of Choice--Fatboy Slim
Juicy------------ Better Than Ezra
Canned Heat-------Jamiroquai
Everything--------Michael Buble
Eye of the Tiger--Survivor
Move Along--------The All American Rejects
Amazing-----------Josh Kelley
Is it Any Wonder--Keane
Better Days------ Goo Goo Dolls
Fidelity--------- Regina Spector

Here we are post race...

Can I just say that by the time Eye of the Tiger started I felt like throwing air punches like Rocky? Don't worry I contolled myself.

Interesting Observation: Less than half a mile to the finish I saw some friends of mine who had already finished. They started screaming like crazy for me. I felt such a surge of energy just because of their encouragement to me. I was surprised at how helpful that was...kind of reminded me of how the Bible talks about the great cloud of witnesses who are cheering for us on earth. Wow.

Afterward it was free everything...coffee from Starbucks, fresh fruit, candy, water, lots of fun party favor stuff. Awesome. Next month we are planning to do the St. Pat's Day Dash and beat our lousy times. Seems people will take any opportunity they can to set up a race!

I just finished making play dough tonight for the kids tomorrow. I'm hungry now...so I'm off to make dinner. Ciao! (Ha!)

(p.s. spell check still doesn't work... so sorry for any mistakes. Grrrrrrrrrr)

The Week in Review...

2008-02-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

Hum Dee Dum...I'm bored. I'm still in the dealership for car maintenance and forgot to bring a book. Thankfully they have internet. This place is crazy. They have an awesome big screen TV, Fresh fruit, a fancy coffee machine with syrups to choose from and plush leather couches...

Anyway...My weeks seem to have gotten longer and much busier. Less time to blog. (Sorry)

Things I've been thinking about...

I've got a 5k run coming up this weekend with a friend. I'm wondering why I paid $25 to run this race when I've run around the lake for free a million times in the past. (So I can get the T-shirt?)

My mom is coming to visit soon. She hasn't seen my new digs and I'm very excited to spend time with her on my west-coast terf.

I've been meditating on 1Samuel 7:12 All week. It's about the Ebenezer Stone which meant "The Lord has helped us thus far." It's encouraged me to take life one day at a time and not striving to look so far down the road to things I cannont see. But rather to know and believe that "thus far" (today) the Lord is helping me.

It's been a great week.

Note to Self...

2008-02-08T10:57:00.000-08:00

Never show up to a car dealership in tight black running pants again. Every man will stare at your but. Yuck.

Nerd Girl

2008-02-05T13:49:00.000-08:00

Remember when I said I looked like Tina Fey when I wore my glasses? Well, I just thought I'd prove it. Besides, I haven't posted in a long time. My spell check has stopped working on blogger and it's detered me from posting. I find this very annoying.

See??? Call me Nerd Girl. I know it. But for some reason, I have noticed that this is the "Cool" look in Seattle. The only other place where I have noticed that it's hip to look nerdy is in Germany and the Villiage in NYC.

Cool.

Lunch for Emily

2008-02-01T18:16:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time during my days as a nanny, one of my favorite things to do was make Emily's lunch for school. I would chop up apples and make her favorite sandwich which was turkey, tomato, mayo and avocado with "just a touch a salt." Then add some cookies and juice. Lastly, I would write her little love notes on her napkin, or a Post It saying "I love you Emily!" Or "I hope you are having a great day!" At that time her birth mother had passed away and her father had not yet remarried, thus my reason for being her nanny. That being said we were especially close and we adored each other. I never took the place of "Mom" but I was like a young hip guardian over her sweet little life.

I was her Nanny and she was My Emily and no one will ever be able to take that away from us.

Save Me

2008-01-30T14:19:00.000-08:00

I work at a Christian Pre-school. Everyday at circle time the children pray for any students that happen to be sick or have a specific prayer request. Today "Jill" asked to pray aloud for her mother who was sick.

Jill: "Dear God, please heal my mommy. (Then she looked up at one of the boys who tends to cause trouble and added) And God please help "Jack" behave himself and not do silly things."

To which Jack frowned and said...

"I'm not going to promise you that. I'm going to do silly things."

"Jack" is only five years old. But as the other teacher said "At least he knows himself."

I think that's a good point. I'll take a lesson from him today. To know that I will do "silly" things on my own, without the help of God to save me from myself.

Stars...Twilight...Moon

2008-01-25T00:11:00.000-08:00

The Starry eyes
of twilight,
are lingering around.
And Winter frosts
the evening,
with silence to be found.

*********************

A twilight sky
in morning.
A winter's dusky day.
A morning light
in evening,
As nature shows
it's way.

*********************

The moon followed me home tonight.
I told him to go away.
I shook my fist at him and said,
"Don't you hear a word I say?"
But he just kept on shining,
Up there in the sky.
I think I 'll get my BB gun,
and shoot him in the eye.
But I'm told the moon doesn't have eyes,
Which makes no sense to me.
If the moon followed me home tonight,
Then surly he can see!

Find it...

2008-01-22T08:50:00.000-08:00

"There is no such thing as Adventure, if you don't go out and seek it."